Kajal (name changed) was a happy and chirpy girl who used to live carefree, enjoying the delicacies of life and its small pleasures. But she didn’t know that as a girl, she’ll be bound by severe restrictions and suffer an emotional trauma at the hands of her loved ones. This is how she took charge of her own life by fighting against all odds.
We always teach our daughters to follow the rules of family and society without questioning. This way, we not only curtail their freedom but also curb their decision-making power. Kajal, on the other hand, took control of her decisions by not giving in to her family’s diktats. She believed that blind obedience to society will give the reins of her life to others, and this will prove to be detrimental to her self-esteem in the long run.
So our story begins when she had to switch schools, after the tenth standard. Her new school was quite far from her house, which compelled her to keep a cell phone with her all the time so that she could constantly keep her family updated about her whereabouts. Her family always catered to the whims and fancies of her elder brother, who was not only a misogynist but also believed that gender equality is a hoax. Thus the whole family always Kajal was constantly on her toes. She had no say in the important decisions because her voice was considered insignificant. Moreover, she didn’t even have the liberty to make her own personal choices.
One day, while in school, she received dozens of missed calls from her brother. And when she took her phone out, she froze in horror thinking that something wrong might have happened at the house. But to her sheer annoyance, she found out that her brother wanted to take her cellphone, just because he wanted to go to some party and her phone had a better camera. As it was his command and demand at the same time, she couldn’t refuse. Her home was run by her brother’s wishes so she couldn’t refuse, and had to leave school in the middle of the day by making a medical excuse. At this time, when she had to concede to her brother’s demands over her school, she realized that something was seriously wrong. So she talked to her parents, but her mother told her to listen to her brother as he is the ‘wise man’ of the house. This kept on happening to her every now and then. She didn’t know what to do and started having emotional breakdowns in school which further hampered her studies. And she started feeling alienated from her own family.
Then she again received the call (with a different excuse), things changed for good. This time she took this as an attack on her decision-making ability. Her mind told her how these small demands can soon turn into something big, to the extent where she will be left with no discretion of her own. And that’s when it struck her. Thus, all of a sudden she became the captain of her own ship. She immediately said no to her brother’s silly requests and continued with the day, even after being threatened with dire consequences.
And as soon as she reached home, she confronted her parents about the sorry state of affairs of her life. She told them that their traditional parenting skills were killing her and leaving her with no choice, but to leave her own family. To convince her parents, she threatened to take help of the police, if they didn’t treat her well and this continuous mental harassment didn’t stop. Her parents were completely taken aback, and finally understood her plight. They told their son to mend his ways and start treating his sister with respect and affection. They themselves promised her that they will ensure a better environment for growth and development, henceforth.
It took Kajal many years to finally realize that she was as important as her brother, and no one has the right to make her feel that way. Maybe if she was told at an earlier stage that she was the master of her own life, she wouldn’t have to go through any of this. So, we can see how Kajal, like many other girls, had to go through such an emotional rollercoaster ride because she was not told how to take control of her life from the very beginning. She was shackled by the patriarchal mindset of our society and ended up suffering in silence for a long time. She didn’t make a big change or break the internet with viral tweets. She just solved the puzzle of her life by making small amends in the environment that she lived in. And now she doesn’t have to miss classes or cater to the stupid demands of her brother.
So all the other girls who are going through such hardships should also think about breaking the norms and start living their own lives on their own terms. And, schools can do their bit to help the girls by overhauling the academic structure and infusing life skill training for girls to make their life easier. Decision-making abilities, life hacks for security and other emotional support can go a long way to make the lives of our girl children easier and happier. So if our school curriculum has some form of mandatory counselling sessions for girls and their families, maybe we can sensitize them to treat decision-making as an important part of life. It’s high time that we start fixing the issue of gender inequality from the grass root level. Women empowerment will be never a fulfilled dream if our girls suffer the way Kajal did.