I believe that learning begins at home, and that the lessons we learn from our family and close ones are more longer-lasting than school-based lessons (you can’t really bunk Mummy’s lectures, can you?). That being said, school lessons are equally important, especially for those who have different family scenarios to deal with. In my life, however, a majority of what has shaped my skills as an individual has taken root from what my parents taught me, and introduced me to at an early age.
When I was three years old, I was taken to the Leprosy Mission Hospital in Bankura, West Bengal. My godmother and godfather worked there, and my mother saw fit to take her sprightly young brat along to meet people who had experienced all kinds of trauma and discrimination in their lives due to stigma around leprosy.
I will never in my life forget the old ladies I encountered that day. Unused to kindness and something as basic as a little child touching their hands and asking if they were hurt, they looked at me with fondness and gratitude. Later, my mother recounted the incident to me, and I brushed it off with, “Well, they were away from other people and nobody talked to them because of their scars; if i were them, I’d be miserable and I’d want someone to just talk to me like a regular human”.
My father and mother had strange ways of teaching me things. Papa would take me to Beck Bagaan (the local bazaar) and we would sit on the pavement for a nice local breakfast. Amused locals wondered what the Election Commissioner, my father, was up to. He never treated people differently or talked down to them, and made fast friends with a wide variety of individuals from diverse backgrounds. Then I would be taken to the Taj Bengal for brunch, and once again, witnessed the same behaviour.
I asked him and my mother why they insisted on saying “Please”, “Thank you”, “Excuse me”, “Can/May I” to everyone around them.
“Wouldn’t you want to be treated with respect if you were those people?” was their answer.
Education involves skill-building for a brighter, more prosperous future, and that future holds a number of human interactions through the course of one’s personal and professional life. Your relationship with others and rapport-building will go a long way in helping you achieve your goals. While interacting with someone who may be forcing you to conform to regressive ideals, replace the urge to lash out, and adopt an empathetic approach instead.
Empathy can be taught in the most organic of ways. One does not need fancy teaching methodology in order to explain it to a child. Empathy can teach a person to be kind, respectful of other people, mindful of consent and privilege, and set the base for mature decision-making, clear communication, and encourages high self-confidence, minus the arrogance.
When I was a young pre-teen activist doing Personal Safety workshops with peers and elders, the first line of advice I shared was always “Empathy, Not sympathy”. For peers it was easier to just say, “Put yourself in someone’s shoes and think about how they would feel or react to a certain behaviour”. People understood, and later in life, thanked me for this deceptively simple life skill.
We need empathy in our lives, in our souls, in our daily interactions. We need to relearn positive, respectful behaviour, especially during this day and age where interactions over the internet appear to be devoid of sensitivity and respect (and the people who trash talk you online end up being mysteriously well-behaved in person). The kindness you receive is the kindness you will give back to the world.
Why do people want you to drop out of school and get married instead? What values are prompting these attitudes? What is prompting someone to promote child labor instead of fighting against it?
You will notice that if you use empathy instead of aggression, your ability to address a problem will be enhanced. An offensive response aggravates an issue, whereas an empathetic response turns an aggravator into a potential ally.
My father passed away from cancer in 2012. And the people I talked about from the local market? They mourned for him, and offered their condolences in person. Everyone from the local meat seller to his barber. The bond my father had built with them enabled them to express themselves across socio-economic disparities.
Today when I take my Personal Safety campaign to districts, towns, and slums across India, I have no trouble in communicating with people despite our differences. Empathy teaches you about when to talk, and more importantly, about when to listen.