Dear Faiz,
I wonder how fragile hearts survive.
I wonder what they do in times of distress.
Does the languish hit them hard?
The current circumstances put me into deep introspection sometimes- what if we were never parted?
Would we kill each other now?
Or would we be messiahs to the world?
Sometimes I also wonder, who is to be blamed? For the disdain? For the blood? For the kids whom we orphaned on purpose? For introducing horror in the conscience of the innocent?
Ask yourself, Faiz. It was us who washed our hands in the rivers of blood eventually. Were we so weak and insecure about our identities that we gave up brotherhood for hegemony?
Is love really stronger than hate?
Have we been lied to, all our lives, in the mosques, temples, gurudwaras, churches, grandmother stories? Is it all a grand sham? That love wins in the end, it conquers all. Is it really winning?
To be honest, I notice that you have shunned me for a while now, and maybe I know the reason, the ancient one, that has been rooted so deeply in our lives, that we often forget how many paak (pious) relations it has mauled all this while.
We are our villains, Faiz.
We are our heroes.
Noor has stopped coming at my place. She no longer looks forward to her khala’s (a term used by Muslims to refer to their aunt) gajar ka halwa (carrot pudding). I know where that comes from. We are no longer kids. I hope you let her complete her taalim (education) here in this country, at least. It’s important in these mad times. Maybe in the coming times, she will understand that her khaala was a strong woman who didn’t let anyone touch her own flesh and blood in the name of religion, even when it was inevitable.
I hope she comprehends that sooner.
I hope she never loses hold of her loved ones even in the difficult times.
People are not born evil, Faiz. We are instructed and guided to follow some norms. We are then educated to form our own notions, clean the dust off the old ones and rain them on our posterity. Who would want them to be smothering and lacking an absolute sense of love, ironically in the name of God? How long will they believe it?
People who love, Faiz, we always want them to be khush (happy) and abaad (prosperous). That’s true love, I believe. We don’t trap them. I want you and your family to be happy and free. I wish I could have washed off all the hatred out of all the people- now, sometimes, I dream too, impossible things but good things.
I wish we were stronger than this, to surpass all the days of divide and rule, illusions of minority/majority, our assertive and timorous mindset and still stay united. I wish we could share just one Independence day, and crowd Eid and Diwali melas even more.
I wish we were more, Faiz.
I wish we were united and strong.
Other days I wonder, who would want to get away from peace? Who would want to put boundaries on this divine feeling of love? Who wouldn’t want it to flow? Sometimes, I am skeptical about being really God’s children, for the God we know, is made of love and serenity.
Jahan chah hai wahaan raah hai, Faiz (where there’s a will, there’s a way)
We still have time, we still have hope.
I will still be waiting and still be writing to you because I know I’m tough. I know what is real and what is delusional. I am on the side of love and peace, and no one can take that away from me, not even you.
Yet I still wonder, how fragile hearts survive.
Bas tum khush raho (I just want you to be happy)
Chahe main rahoon ya na rahoon (Whether I’m alive or not)
Bas tum aabaad raho (I just want you to prosper)
Chahe khuda tujhe kitni takleefein de (Irrespective of the tests God puts you through)
Tum unhe sehkar bhi
Khush raho (I pray you have the courage to be happy, despite those tests)
Tum unme rehkar bhi
aabaad raho (I pray you have the courage to prosper, despite those tests)
With love,
Aarzoo