In 2015, I was in the first year of college. I was happy to study at the University of Delhi. Just like others, I had a circle of friends. I used to go out with them, attend classes and make assignments. I had a keen interest in college politics. I used to question presidential candidates so much that some of them started ignoring me.
We used to have two sections in our course divided on the medium of the course. We knew a few people from other sections and that’s how I met Nikita. She was an introvert. I never thought that a quiet person like her will go for politics. There are certain turning points which change our life for forever, mine was when Nikita met me at a metro station and handed over her assignments and asked me to give it to her classmate because she was going for a protest. I was surprised and wanted to know more but she was gone. Then one day she met me and told me everything. She was part of the OCCUPY UGC movement.
Fast forward to 2-3 months, I joined the movement and noticed so many things by campaigning for it – How the culture of partying and movie-going stops students from critically analyzing politics, or how some candidates know nothing about what is going on but contesting for the sake of it. I learned so many things through participating in the movement. But I have to hide things from my father. He never liked communists. As a child, even I was under the impression that communists were mean, authoritarian people, shouting and supporting China because I was fed this idea by adults around me.
I joined a left-leaning student wing but never told my parents. I started dropping hints to my mother and she described communists “Ajeeb log hote hai, tere jaise ziddi hote hai,” which made me laugh. I gathered the courage to tell my family after 6-7 months of my activism. But the problem was my father’s love for right wing ideology. He was active in a student wing during his college days and is still a firm supporter of the Sangh. We used to have regular debates which were turning into arguments day by day. I will always be thankful to my sister for supporting me no matter what happened.
Some incidents changed my father’s views a bit for some time. He wrote an open letter to his former organization when I was attacked and harassed. I saw him changing since 2017 but sometimes ideologies run deep into a person and take years to get undone.
Things started to get complicated with my gap year. Nobody really knows why I was unable to study and clear entrances of two-three universities that I applied for. I had gone through a lot since my second year. Constant mental harassment made me depressed, these were the same years when I contested college elections. I noticed one thing during these two elections – if you are a communist who is contesting elections, all the capitalist organizations try their best to stop and demotivate you. My father supported me by giving money to file my nomination papers.
I was a rebel since childhood which always irked my relatives. Some of them have stopped talking with me due to their disagreements with my ideology. But I never seek approval, not from my father, not from my uncles or anyone for that matter. Being a student of political science makes us strong. Maybe I am stubborn, my father calls me that during arguments. It is not easy to be like this. This isn’t a rant but this is a call to all those who are stopped by all forces around them for believing in an ideology which speaks of equality. I often correct my father over many things, you have to do the same.
Fighting for what you believe in does not come at an easy cost. I have been abused for being a communist at various stages of my life. Not only the home front, but other areas of my life also demanded that I give in and follow the capitalistic norms. I am writing this to tell all others like me to stay strong and follow what they love.
Higher education is on the verge of privatization which can only be stopped if all us, despite facing wrath from our families come together to fight it. My father tried to disown me a few times but then gave up. Recently we argued over some problematic remarks made by him and I left the house. When he called me and asked when I am coming back, I replied – “Jab aap galat ka saath nahi doge.” He called me back but we don’t talk much.
Over the course of recent years, he has moved towards the libertarian right, I believe I can pull him towards left someday with logic and facts. The fight for staying together despite opposite ideologies is still on because one of them believes on exploitation and dehumanization of the other. I will not give up but there are times when I felt I should. This is for those times when I feel low and for those who fear their parents, specifically women activists because of the patriarchal norms. Parents and relatives can be wrong. I am glad for the disowning, breakups and abandonment, it told me who is there for real me.
Thank you, didi. Thank you, mummy, and thank you, Nikita. Without these three women, I wouldn’t be an activist.