It was a Friday night and all of us had gathered at the dinner table. As I served the food, my 9-year-old shrieked, “No Spinach please!” I could immediately sense my husband’s piercing eyes on me as if asking – Why doesn’t she have the greens? Even before his looks could transpire into words, I retorted back, “Don’t ask me why!”
My daughter has already fractured her hand twice. Both those accidents took place when I was around. I felt guilty and blamed myself immensely for not being able to prevent those accidents. I still get flashbacks of the incident. I am also sure I would have blamed myself equally had this incident happened in my absence.
She was not potty trained till the age of five. Trust me, cleaning a five year old’s bum every morning is not something I enjoyed, but she just wasn’t ready. Who is to be blamed for it? The mother, right?
When the child doesn’t perform as per expectation at school, you get to hear people saying, “The mom hardly gets time to get involved with the child.”
Motherhood is indeed a monumental job. Be it for a working woman or a homemaker. Mothers provide physical, emotional, spiritual support and inspire their children. They are supposed to guide their children by setting the right benchmarks. We do that to the best to our abilities, but it’s pretty much a 24×7 job.
Just stop this “blame the mother” game. In my parenting journey, I have realized that people are highly judgmental. It is high time that you stop worrying about what people have to say.
Furthermore, the best part of this journey has been that I have done it my way. My husband has contributed to it in a largely superficial way. We keep having discussions and he keeps saying that he’ll participate actively. Parenting never came with a blue print. I faced my own hardships and did my own permutations and combinations. I still have a long way to go. As of now, I am the best judge of my situation and I refuse to apologize for the decisions I have taken.
My yardstick for right parenting has never been:
How soon she did it? Children take their own sweet time to conquer milestones. Did she top the class? In life, her competition is not going to be with the 30 students within her class. One needs to look at the bigger picture.
I refuse to be deterred by these short-term successes and failures.
“Love yourself first and everything else will fall into place.” Over the years, I have come to realize that this statement is very much true. Stop feeling guilty for digging into that tub of ice cream after putting her to sleep. Stop feeling guilty about those girly night-outs that will help you rejuvenate. Go out for solo vacations or with your girl gang. This break is much needed to keep your sanity intact.
Take the ownership of your kid’s imperfection and tantrums, but do not blame yourself for it. Parenting is a shared responsibility. Identify the shortcomings and rectify them instead of fretting about them. Parenting is a journey. Learn from your experiences and challenge yourself to go a notch higher.
Take ownership of the responsibilities, but do not feel guilty when you do something for yourself.