I had visited my village last summer. It’s in Vaishali district, Bihar. One day, my nephew came over and asked me to accompany him to the market to get his phone repaired. I agreed and we stood beside the state highway waiting for any bus or auto for a 10 minute commute. A tempo appeared, well it was actually a big auto-rickshaw but people in rural areas and suburbs call them tempo. The tempo appeared full to me from a distance and when it came closer I knew I was right. We somehow managed to fit in on either side of the driver and another passenger, in front.
One stop ahead of ours a lady got off the tempo carrying a 2 or 3 year old kid in her arms, and dragging another 10 or 11-year-old on beside her. She handed the driver 10 bucks and started walking away. The driver suddenly jumped out, stating that it was supposed to be double the amount as the 10 year old had also occupied space. They started shouting at each other and after a while the lady left without paying the 10 rupees the driver was demanding.
The driver got back to the wheel and made a statement “Ye toh chowk chauraha hai warna aisa hi ladij ko shant sannata dekh kr saafa kar deta hai (This is busy street, otherwise these are the women who would be taught a lesson in isolation)”.
On the return journey, we again stuffed ourselves in a tempo. While still contemplating the shock I had received from the driver’s statement earlier, a woman caught my eye. She was wearing a t-shirt and lowers, standing outside her home. This observation seems very futile but in a rural area like that, this seemed like a sign of progressive mentality to me. And after the morning’s incident, it was a big change. While I reflected, a voice broke my abstraction, “aaj kal ka ladij sab ka laaj-lihaj hi khatam ho gaya hai (today’s women have lost all shame)”. It was the driver, yes another driver. The man sitting beside him proceeded “bilkul, isliye toh pehle log sab ghar-duar road se hat kar banata tha (absolutely, that’s why earlier, people used to make homes away from roads)”. The exchange of their “manly” wisdom carried on for a while and we reached our home.
Encounter with misogyny is usual in our society, but in cities, it is witnessed in small trickles. These events that I have described were like patriarchy punching me in the face twice and knocking me out. I was more disgusted than angry. These episodes were mind-boggling for me because since childhood we have been taught about morals, values and their establishment in us by religious teachings. It’s very obvious that the urban population has little time to devote to god and all the values that they preach. On the other hand, in rural areas people value religious teachings more than education; but somehow, respecting a human being of the opposite sex has been skipped somewhere in there. How is it that people asserting sanskar aren’t practicing it?
In my opinion, the definition of sanskar is flawed. Basically, everything that questions your personal choice comes under sanskar. It describes positions and roles. The simple example being, we call our mother “Maa” and state that “Maa devi hoti hai“. Honestly, “Maa devi nahi hoti, wo insaan hai“. We call her devi because we don’t want to give her the rights of a human being. The day society gives them equal rights, the men lose their supremacy and the facade of devi shatters. The arguments involving god and religion are necessary for most people who cannot justify their acts. They will simply answer with “Dharm me aisa likha hai…” and all reason gets flushed down the toilet. They don’t realise that it is a system created by men who have enjoyed privilege for no reason and want to continue to do so. The drivers’ statements reflect the privilege and supremacy they carry in their heads.
Our constitution was designed to bring equality and dilute quixotic beliefs. But the governments over the years have failed to provide basic education and facilities to people. My argument may sound remote to many people but this is the reality of 70% of population of our country that still lives in rural areas. My aim here is not malign rural life and teachings, there are after all, many thriving in the cities whose mentality is the same. But with industrialisation, the conflict of pragmatism and religious belief arose. The world has kept pace with industrialisation, people who have failed to keep up, find fulfilment in oppressing others. Much of the blame, I believe, lies with the establishment because proper education and development could have prevented this conflict.