I have always been used to having emotional support in my life. Having lived alone for close to 13 years while pursuing my education and career, life has given me enough reasons to feel emotionally insecure. However, my mother has supported me through it all like nobody else has. She has been my venting machine. I have cried uncontrollably as well as laughed out loud with her. However, I never realized that, all this while, she was actually a stranger to me. That was because, amidst all the proceedings of my life, my interactions with her were only unidirectional. Little did I care to hear from her about her own problems and concerns.
Perhaps, I never had such a big heart. I have always been a pampered child who has received unconditional love from her parents. All this while, I had taken my parents for granted and just considered my family as a support system, without giving a thought to what it means to belong to a family.
It was only two months ago when I was suffering from depression, that life gave me an opportunity to know what family really means. I came in contact with a therapist, who turned out to be someone who could understand my feelings and who brought out my real self. Under his guidance, I experienced some of the most wonderful moments of my life, which were highly unexpected considering the kind of emotional state I was in. But his support took me far ahead from where I was, and I started doing things in an unbelievably confident manner. The journey continued and my ‘self’ manifested in the form of creative write-ups, wonderful harmonious interpersonal relationships, and many other small moments of happiness which cannot be described
in words. However, little did I realize that I was looking for emotional support, which was functioning as the driving force behind all my accomplishments.
After some sessions with my therapist, I finally decided to meet him and his family. There was no reason whatsoever, for taking that decision. It was just emotional connect with my therapist and an attempt to see changes in my life on a bigger and deeper level, that made me fly all the way from Maharashtra to Delhi, without having even the slightest clue of the actual atmosphere I was going to encounter. All this while, I just harboured feelings of anger for my parents, for not supporting me in my struggle against depression. I wanted to express this anger by taking courageous steps. However, my stay at my therapist’s place turned my life around.
I had to shower love and affection on people whom I did not know (for the simple reason that I was staying with them), and I realized that one can only love or respect others to the extent one does for their own family. Fortunately, I received so much from this new environment that love and affection naturally started flowing from within me. It is not that I am not a loving and caring person, but I never explored these qualities of mine, for the happiness of others.
To my surprise, I found myself really happy and confident but, this was not the end; fate had something else in store for me.
The time had come to part with my therapist’s family. Tears started welling up in my eyes and I left the place with a heavy heart. Though my heart had feelings of gratitude for whatever I had received, the very thought of again being alone, away from a family, started haunting me. When I finally came back to my workplace, I found that my loneliness had increased
Though I had a job to look forward to, people to interact with, and all the amenities needed for a hassle-free life, I was not happy. I shared this with my therapist. To my surprise, he suggested that I consult another therapist who could handle my concerns objectively. Not because he did not want to; but, because he knew that I am now a part of his family, and not his client any more.
He told me, “Your need for a family outweighed my role as a therapist. that is why i chose you to be a part of my family, rather than my client.” This touched my heart deeply. I felt an instant connection with my biological parents after hearing this, and conversations in our family became smooth and loving.
I really thank this gentleman, whose name will remain inscribed in golden words throughout my life history, for bringing about this profound change in me. Thank you for being the driving force behind some of my most wonderful life experiences and having a heart big enough to include me as a member of your immediate family. One lifetime is insufficient to repay the debt for all that you have done. And the same goes to my parents, who are the real reason why one’s whole lifetime is really insufficient to repay one’s debts.