Well, it has been a month since I last wrote something. This time away has allowed me to deliberate on what might be the main concern for the masses that they remain on tenterhooks for a major part of their beautiful lives. Although the disease is quite common, the panacea is nowhere near, and perhaps will never be. Let us then discuss the elephant in the room. Yes, it is the infliction of opinions, expectations and judgements of other people upon our lives. I know this has become a very cliché topic, but there have been very few answers or remedies to the situation, even after years of reflection. Though I’m not a veteran on this subject, but I would still like to share my views so that they might ease your agitated minds a bit.
The game of opinions, expectation, judgements etc. begin when we start seeking the same from others around us. Never will you find a person who is reluctant to hear himself being applauded, acknowledged and appraised. This is where our main weakness lies. Actually, we only crave for roses not the thorns that come along with them.
What I mean is that we only seek rewards not the rejections, only what soothes us and not what is filled with pain and judgement. Quite often, we forget that the people in society accept us for who they expect us to be and not for who we are. That’s where I believe the idea of making oneself “self-effacing” comes into play, in the broader context of finding oneself in a position of equanimity.
If I have to elaborate on this, the moment you start letting these thoughts go through your mind, even if it is in your subconscious, you automatically lose control over your mental faculties; in the process allowing the fear of other people’s views and opinions enter your mind, eventually subjugating it. The thing is “you don’t need to prove your mettle by paying heed to any Tom, Dick and Harry’s incongruous facts and figures to arouse disruption in your most beautifully convoluted mind, the only one you have”. Be wise enough to understand that it’s your thoughts, opinions and your intuition that matters. My friend once told me, that the moment you start looking for validation from others, that’s the moment where you enter the corridor of uncertainty and doubtfulness. And dare I say this, his words struck the right chord with me.
Coming to the other two causes, ‘Expectations’ and ‘Judgements’. My word! They have been the root cause of the mess in most people’s lives. Let’s come straight to the point, taking it one at a time. The most common reason why we end up in a mess is because we begin to nurture unrealistic expectations of the people around us. We begin to harbour the idea that they are the ones who can make us happy. But, the reality is entirely different. It’s the beautiful erotomaniac quote I remember, “Happiness is like orgasm. The more you think of it, the more it drifts away from you”. To add to this, there is no harm in carrying realistic expectations that others have from you, keeping in mind that you are in no way obligated to fulfil those expectations.
To sum up the equation, it’s time to restrict the expectations that we are supposed to live up to all the time. Now, coming to the judgements that are passed around, no matter which age group you belong to, the people around you will be ready to pass judgements, whether he/she is aware of the facts or not. These opinions are formed on the basis of the impression you have created, that once formed seem impossible to alter. But, you should be take it in your stride and say, who cares!
Never ever give the remote control of how you feel to someone else. That’s probably the biggest favour that you can do to yourself.
After such a long and vivid description, let’s face it that- it will never matter what others think of you, it will always matter what you think of you. Put your feet down, and hold your ground. But, be yourself, do not carry any despise or negative attitude towards others for their frivolous remarks. That is the way forward.
Always remember, you are who you are. Cheers! ?