For as long as I can remember, I was attracted to women even before I knew about the concept of bisexuality. As young as a seven year old, I’d have dreams about women, and later in my teenage years, be obsessed with lesbian TV shows, never enjoyed watching straight porn, and still don’t. Around Class XI, I became more aware of these tendencies, and upon speaking with a gay friend, was reassured that this means that I am bicurious. Later, after having some experiences, I confirmed that I was indeed bisexual.
I attended my first Bi Collective meeting in October 2017 when I saw a Facebook event about it, which was followed up by an email invite. There were just three of us in that meeting, but the space felt comfortable almost immediately and we ended up having the most natural conversations about our experiences as bi people in a monosexual society, where you’re either considered to be gay or lesbian, if cis and identifying as LGBTQ. Ever since, I knew I wanted to be a part of this new and slowly-growing collective. The founder kept in touch, and assigned responsibilities of the collective to me every now and then.
As compared to other collectives that I have been a part of, at least virtually, the Bi Collective has always held a special place in my heart. That may be because we talk specifically more about being bisexual, or in my case, pansexual, as compared to talking about the broad struggles of all the other identities under the LGBTQ spectrum. The niche identity bit makes the focus more streamlined, and it’s easier for us to go deeper into one issue. In general, LGBTQ alliances are often dominated by gay men, which almost never happens here. Discussions are deep, nuanced, intellectual, as well as personal.
The Bi Collective has instilled a sense of pride amongst so many individuals by consistently having a dialogue about the false stereotypes held against bisexual people. Bi-erasure and shaming is very common, for even renowned TV Series “The L Word” and “Orange is the New Black” exhibit it in subtle ways. The number of times I have heard that this is just a phase or that I am confused is bothersome.
I agree that there are certain privileges that come with being bi, such that your sexuality is not easily identifiable, as opposed to when you’re gay or lesbian, hence making it easier for us to not face homophobia, especially when we are in straight relationships. But, there are also some distinct struggles that come with being bi as well. Bi people are considered to be selfish and greedy, wanting “everyone”, which is an extreme reduction of our attraction patterns. To not chose partners based on their genders, but energy and personality is actually the opposite of greedy—it is unconditional and truly fair.
At the same time, a new group of people have emerged who think that it’s “cool” or offbeat to be bi or have an ‘alternative’, non-straight sexuality, which makes it a lot easier for people to dismiss your actual sexuality, assuming that you’re only saying it to look cool. Bi people have to fluctuate between the new millennial glorification with being bi, the doubt that comes from others because of the same, as well as fight discrimination and stigma. This is an interesting phenomenon, for one has to face glorification and prejudices simultaneously.
Sigmund Freud, amongst other things, postulated the idea of innate bisexuality—that everyone is bisexual—but only some are aware of it, or embrace it. I deeply agree with this idea, for I have noticed bisexual inclinations in a lot of people who strictly identify as straight, and sincerely hope that they acknowledge and embrace this side of themselves.
In a country like ours, especially where the notion of being on the LGBTQ spectrum is limited to the stereotype of the gay male fashion designer or hair dresser, it is particularly imperative for women to have more visibility. Even at my first Pride after party, for example, I was mostly surrounded by gay men. In fact, a ‘gay party’ takes place in the city almost bi-weekly (pun intended), but parties for lesbian or bi women are hardly ever organized. Hence, the issue is intersectional. There has to be more female, as well as bi representation.
Until now, we at the collective have organized a myriad of events, from general sharing meetings that take place on a monthly basis, routine webinars with experts, putting up a moving library, whose launch event took place at the American Center last year, to more specific panel discussions with stalwarts on queer theory in India.
In the future, I personally want to curate a panel discussion on LGBTQ representation in performing arts, particularly in music (the genres of rap, hip-hop, and electronic music), in stand-up comedy, as well as sketches and script writing. Being a small collective at the moment, there are a lot of opportunities for young bi people and allies to organize events or initiatives with the help of the collective.