“It’s been three years since I moved out of Delhi yet, I check the weather forecast everyday,” is what I recently shared on Facebook in response to the memories that keep popping up. Honestly, Facebook, stop reminding me of all the things that I am trying to get over, not cool!
As a lover of all things historical, Delhi caught my fascination from the very beginning. The old-world charm, the ruins, the dargahs and the kebabs of course, how can I not talk about Delhi’s food? As I explored my inexplicable love for Delhi, I came across books like ‘City of Djinns’ by Willian Dalrymple and ‘Delhi, A Novel’ by Khushwant Singh, which put Delhi in a new perspective altogether. As I would cross new parts of town after a brawl with the infamous Delhi auto wallas, I would be reminded of Delhi’s history; how the River Yamuna once flowed over what we now call the Outer Ring Road.
This is what I absolutely admire about this city, how it has built itself around its rich history. Of course, a lot has been lost in translation over the centuries nevertheless; but, imagine how much art and culture, history and heritage is accessible to us from family picnics at India Gate to shady romance at Buddha Park. You may argue that this is a highly romanticised notion of Delhi. Yes, there is an insecure side to the city that gets oddly intimidating at a slight look. The toxic masculinity is unbearable, the weather makes it even worse, and then add a pinch of toxicity in the air, the same Delhi becomes burdensome.
I also have a theory though it might just be a conspiracy theory, but I blame Delhi’s aggression on the weather. The brutal summers and the harsh winters just makes us (Oh! did I just claim to be a Delhiite?) angry people.
Delhi is one city where I have spent a considerable amount of my formative years, 18–28; a decade to be precise. I miss the city like one would miss the loss of a dear one. It’s made me the person, moreover, the woman that I am today. Not dismissing the fact that for a woman, Delhi suddenly becomes exclusive where one has to constantly fight for your space but that is what makes us warriors and we carry that with us wherever we go! If you can fight in Delhi, you are fearless for life!
It is indeed a shame though, for one to fight so much to merely survive in a city. This love-hate relationship with the city is what I am talking about, can’t live with it, can’t live without it.
I constantly revisit the city in my head, sometimes with love, sometimes with hate but never with an ounce of ungratefulness. Will I ever come back to Delhi? Please spare me the toxicity. Will I ever get over it? Probably not, because Delhi, I hate you like I love you.
Note: This article was first published here.