I still remember the day I got my first period. I was 11 (I was an early bloomer), my mom and I were visiting my dad in Delhi during the Durga Puja vacation. Like so many young girls of my generation, I had been unaware of the idea of menstruation and of what women go through every month throughout the prime or their youth, and well into middle age.
So when I finally got my period, there I was, standing on the bed (to this day I don’t know why!), and crying my eyes out, for I thought I had contracted some deadly disease (my fears were confirmed when my mom told me that this was not a one-time thing and that I would bleed every month from then on). And while I was shocked and sad and confused to be thrust into god knew what, my parents ran around me in muted excitement. It was my dad who bought me my first sanitary napkins. Yes, my dad. And, believe it or not, it is my husband who takes care of my monthly necessities now.
But even as I write this, I realize that this is a story of privilege, for a majority of men in our country, both young, old and middle-aged, are ignorant, uninformed and worse still, misinformed, about a process that is as natural as peeing and pooping, in women. Centuries of myths and superstitions have created a taboo around a menstruating woman, to the extent that a woman on her period has become an enigma, and not in a good way. A woman on her period is not evil, she is not impure, or a sensual mystery that needs to be solved. She is just a woman. The same woman she was before her uterine lining started shedding.
Periods are messy, painful, and most of us cannot wait for the monthly cycle to get over. We do not love that time of the month when our insides burn, we feel bloated, and our hormones decide to go crazy, to say nothing of the headaches, exhaustion and the unbearable cramps. Out come the heating pads and pain killers. Some of us even have frequent bowel movements during this time! No, it is not a pretty picture. And there is definitely nothing mysterious, sexual or witchy-witch about it.
What we need the most at this time is to be cared for and understood. Not to be shunned, made fun of or banished.
But this seems like a lot to ask for. For ours is a society which bans girls and women on their cycles, sends them off to makeshift huts outside the house, or in the outskirts of the village, where they are exposed to the harshness of nature, contract diseases, get bitten by snakes, are raped and even die, all because they are on their period, and essentially because they are women. Ours is a society where the lack of education makes monsters out of both men and women when it comes to “taboos” such as these.
Why just uneducated, even educated men and women are unaware of the bodily functions that cause a period! All they know are the age-old traditions that prevent a menstruating girl or woman from entering the kitchen, performing or coming in close proximity of a puja ceremony, entering a temple etc. A period for such people does not constitute a biological function; it is more like a curse, something almost supernatural.
Yes, a woman is vulnerable during these days, all the more reason why she needs to be loved and cared for. In any case, the fact that she gets through it every month only makes her stronger. And we need strong men around us to be able to appreciate that. We need people who would not coerce, dismiss, degrade, or force themselves upon us.
We need fathers who would make their girls comfortable and happy, brothers who would explain to their friends about the naturalness of the process and that they should respect, rather than leer, and friends and partners who would by default create a conducive environment where the woman feels loved. I am not even saying that every woman needs special treatment during these days, but at least she does not deserve to be isolated and insulted.
What we really need is an openness about this subject, a discourse that would prepare boys and girls from an early age for what would be an indispensable part of their adult life; yes, for men too. But then again this is a thin line to cross because openly discussing women’s chums might give out wrong signals to perverts (god knows there are too many of them around us). It is best then for parents to educate and inform their kids so that no young girl has to stand on a bed and be terrified of what is to come when she finds out she is bleeding.
But that is changing now, and it is time parents took menstruation as all in the day’s work, made it a part of regular vocabulary, so that by the time the child gets into his or her teens, there is no awkwardness, and a woman on her cycle is no longer shrouded in mystery. It is crucial that the message is spread to the parents of growing children, because education—all education—starts from home. We are fortunate these days to have at least some men who look beyond the taboo and do not mind buying sanitary pads or tampons for their women. But we need more of them, in fact, we need all of them to know, to understand, and care.