I’ll begin this post by making one thing clear, I can’t promise you that things will get better because if I did, I would be lying. What I can promise you, is that I can help you get through today.
The first time I tried killing myself, I was 21 years old. I’m 24 now, and I still remember that day as if it was yesterday. Things got better for me after I came out to my parents as transgender because my parents were supportive. But I know for a fact that, for one inspirational story, there are dozens that don’t end well.
The circumstances might be different for you, maybe you are unlucky to have homophobic parents, maybe you are transgender like me but don’t look like the gender you identify with, maybe you live in a country where it’s still a crime to be gay, you can still get through this day. Just follow what I have written below, it worked for me, it mostly will work for you too!
- I know you are feeling pretty bad right now; what I need you to do at this very moment is to say it out loud. “Yes, I’m feeling bad, I am upset right now and I’m suicidal.” Don’t say it out very loud though, you don’t want your neighbours to break down your door.
- Now take a deep breath and just accept the circumstances, but don’t dwell on it too much, after all, you are a fighter and fighters don’t wallow in self-pity.
- Now imagine you are living the way you want, maybe with a partner of your choice, or living as your true gender. Imagine everyone has accepted the way you talk and walk, the way you dress. Imagine how beautiful your life would be. Feels good right?
- Now make a list of all the things that you could do to make that life possible. It could be something like coming out to your parents and friends, maybe moving to an LGBT+ friendly city, or becoming financially independent. It can be absolutely anything.
- Now tick those things that you can do today. Not tomorrow or the day after, but today itself.
- Not much you can do today right? You’ll need some time to do all of these things that you have written.
- Now think about what you had in your mind before you clicked on this post. You had thoughts of killing yourself. But you need some time to accomplish the things you have listed. So what do you need to do?
- Maybe, you need to give yourself some time.
- But it hurts to live right now, am I correct? But you are a fighter, and you can definitely take some pain. Why not try to go through today? Why not try to work on completing your list?
- Take a moment to breathe. You are going to survive today after all. Maybe you’ll try to do something about what’s on your list, or maybe you’ll watch the latest episode of your favourite TV series. It doesn’t matter what you do. What matters is that whether you are alive by the end of the day.
- If you want to talk to someone, you can talk to an ally, or just drop an email on firstname.lastname@example.org
Life is definitely hard being LGBT+. I won’t sugar coat it. But believe me, it gets easy once you start accepting yourself and stop caring about what other people think.
Things may not work for all of you, all the time, but they will definitely work for all of you, some of the times.
Ever wondered what the common thread is in all the motivational speeches that we listen on the internet? Time! Yes, time is the constant and everything gets better with time. Things may sometimes not actually get better, but at least, you gain the perspective of looking at these things.
And when you think of killing yourself the next time, think of the fact that you’ll be denying yourself the one constant that’s important, time.
Read this again tomorrow, read this daily if you need to, and there will come a day when you’ll feel no need to look for inspiration on the internet. It will just come from within.