I am a survivor of emotional abuse year after year. It mostly came from some of my relatives whom I used to call my own people. I am a single child, and I belong to Assam; I lost my father at a tender age. It happened during my teenage years when I used to have some good friends. One day, my mother was sick; it was Bihu here. So, two of my male friends had come to visit our place, and I was serving them some food in our drawing room. Since, my mother was sick she was in the bedroom. I was not over my father’s demise completely till then.
While my friends were still there, one of my maternal uncles suddenly paid a visit. He happened to be a politically powerful person, so he used to impose his beliefs on many people. Although on that day he was acting normally, after a few days of that visit, one day in front of everyone, he verbally abused me saying that I was taking advantage of my mother’s care. “That day also two boys were sitting when I came,” he said. All this happened because one day I was a little late for home while I was out with a few friends. I was not able to call home and inform about it.
So when some neighbor saw my mother worried, he, just to escalate the situation, informed my mama (maternal uncle). His wife had issues with my mother’s family. That’s why she used to be hostile towards me, too, as I was connected to her in-laws. I don’t know why my mama blamed me in front of his wife that day without any fault of mine. After that day, for many years, I was in shock, because he was a politically powerful person, and I was a fatherless girl.
It’s because of his power that nobody raised a voice against his wrongdoings. I spent many years in insecurity. This is only one instance, many a time; I was ashamed for my dusky complexion by relatives, including that mama. After my father’s death, my ninth class marks were not that good, and one of my maternal uncle and aunt got to know about it, and it was disclosed to other relatives that I was not academically good. They tried to demean me many times, giving the example of their daughter, for the well-being of whom, her parents have hurt many people so far.
For her interests, her parents have exploited many innocent people so far. They have exploited many people out of jealousy so far. Since my mamas (maternal uncles) were selfish people and they often hurt me, some associates of my politically powerful mama also started being sarcastic about me, which affected my personality. They made me think that I was really lonely.
When in college, I had been pursuing a subject which was not my area of interest, so naturally, I was not able to score well. Then also, I was ridiculed by my mamas in front of Mami, and the result was, I lost confidence in myself. Amidst all this, I had a troubled relationship. It was an arranged marriage proposal which turned into love, and when it was not working out, I told my relatives that I wanted to come out of the relationship without getting married.
Then my MP mama once again commented that I was not even a graduate and finding a person like my then-fiance for me would be difficult later. That broke me inside. Later, I pursued the subject of my choice, and I passed with flying colours in graduation. However, the impact of their hostility still haunts me even after more than ten years. They were dirty, political-minded people, who only thought only about their self-interest.
One more thing I would add here is that even though my father passed away, my mother and I were financially independent, as my father was a government serviceman. My mother used to receive pension every month. In another instance, one of my mamis told me to approach my politician mama for a job, which was the wrong thing to do, and I was against it. When I replied that as far as possible, I would try to get a job on my own, she instructed me to earn money and pay for my marriage; otherwise my mamas would have to pay for it.
As I mentioned here, they could show the outside world that they were caring people, but inside, the reality was very different. This aunt many times made me feel like a nobody. She and another Mami both disrespectfully treated my mother many times in front of me. Another one of my mamas kept telling me to appear in the clerical as well as officer level jobs saying I had the SC status; (not because he believed in me). Moreover, it was wrong itself to instruct me or anyone like that. I never asked for his suggestions in respect to my government job application. I used to admire them, but now, whenever I get in touch with them, I get anxiety attacks, which keep me awake at nights for many days.
Even today, just a while before this post, two of my maternal relatives came to my home and mentally abused me. It was mostly my maternal aunt’s husband, who mentally exploited me, asking about my salary and my work insensibly. They asked me where I stayed when I went out of the city for work purposes, how much rent I paid, how far was my workplace from home, how much was my train fare, why did I stay in a different city for sometime after resigning from my job in one city, did I come on a train or a flight, and all at one go—mostly in an insensitive manner, objectifying me. When this notoriously evil person got to know that I am yet to get my offer letter—as I told them upon being asked, the other maternal relative asked me if there was any possibility of getting it.
I don’t know why, but right from the neighbors to relatives, many people have mentally drained me in some way or the other. From manipulation to emotionally controlling me in the name of wishing well for me, a few of my maternal relatives made me their source of ego polishing by underestimating me, which made me feel insecure for many days. I have spent many sleepless, depressed nights because of this.
Although they were told that their words mentally affected me by my mother many times, they didn’t stop. Rather, they started spreading rumours behind my back among the acquaintances. They never even cared what would be my impression towards them after so much of mental exploitation towards me, pretending to be my well-wishers. They just made me feel like a nobody because they found it easy to hurt me as I did not have a father or anyone for that matter to defend me or teach them a lesson for the wrongs they did to me. If some days it was about my dusky complexion, other times, it was about trying to pull me down based on my education and job.