Do you also feel sometimes that nothing in life is on track? The stream you’ve chosen doesn’t interest you. Everybody’s expectations make you go crazy. Your career looks implausible and your dreams look far-fetched. You might not have felt it that way, but whenever you do, remember, that it’s okay.
I know you are working hard, pondering enough before putting ideas into actions and struggling enough to make ends meet. Just like me, everyone has their own journey to tell, their ‘struggle stories’ to narrate. Life is not a bed of roses or a plate of fancy cupcakes that things may always work according to your expectations.
There is something I have learned in the last two years of my life: accepting how you feel about a particular thing, even if it doesn’t make you happy.
I was preparing for my 12th standard semester exams, and I always felt that my friend’s humanities subjects felt far more interesting and riveting to me than my accounts and mathematics books. For the next one month, I kept telling myself that I was enjoying my subjects and this is the stream I want to make my career in.
To be honest, it made me feel worse. Soon, I realised that all this while, I was lying brazenly to myself. I accepted the fact that it was not what I wanted to study, and maybe that was the reason I failed to put my heart and mind into it. It did feel better. Your choices in life are valid too. Half the battle is conquered when you start being honest with yourself.
Sometimes you just don’t feel okay and that is okay. I understand how anxiety is deeming you. The racing heartbeats, sleepless nights, that nervous look and thousands of thoughts in your mind altogether. What a scary roller coaster! Isn’t it? You and I, we have all been in those shoes. Being short in height, I am always teased and made fun of. I tried not to get hurt by such comments and repressed my feelings. I just couldn’t tolerate people judging my caliber through my height.
It had reached up to the level that I raged and made them realise that ‘my emotions are valid too.’ It’s sad how selfish people can be when it comes to emotions, but it felt nicer to say that I wasn’t okay with what they thought was okay.
The feeling of being unhappy is not wrong, the opposite of happiness is not wrong. It’s okay if the medicines don’t heal, or if the therapist can’t help. My visits to the psychologists didn’t help me either. I don’t want to bind you too with the false hopes that your pains will end soon.
From what I have experienced, I just want to tell you that at some point in life this all is going to get better and the only way out of this suffering was getting through it. Whether it is happiness or sadness feel it all. Maybe, ‘Your choice of healing is valid too.’