This is that time of the year when those who’re new in a relationship feel that they are on cloud nine. And those who haven’t embarked on the roller coaster ride yet, wish that you had that special person to care for you for the rest of your lives. As you watch couples cosying up in a corner — fighting for a little personal space in the crowd, men going down on their knees with red roses in their hands, or girls giggling relentlessly like they have just swallowed the magic potion for eternal happiness — you too wish you had a steady boyfriend/girlfriend. And some of you have even tasted the bitter potion — of being left in the lurch by your unfaithful partner, still battling with yourselves to come to terms with the situation.
You’ve always known about expressing your feelings to the person you love. Hiding your feelings for someone, or secretly loving someone are passe. Holding on to unrequited love is an old and discontinued trait in today’s age that demands self-respect and financial independence.
But today, I will tell you to do exactly the opposite. If you ask me, I’ll ask you to not express your feelings. Yes, you heard it right. Why? If you do express your feelings, the other person may/may not reciprocate the same feelings. If you’re openly rejected, it might take a toll on your emotional health, at the very least (particularly if the rejections take place multiple times), or you might grow out of it and move on, more experienced in life. You would be advised to take rejection sportingly by the relationship coaches and those eyebrow-raising high achievers whom you’ve chosen as your role models.
But they are right when they say you have every right to be happy. Please try to understand that even with all the love in the world, a relationship can’t be kept going for long if the partners aren’t meant for each other. There’s always an element of uncertainty beyond our control, which people call destiny. However, whether someone accepts/rejects your love outright, doesn’t necessarily mean that they’ve told the truth.
There are various reasons for lying in romantic relationships, just like in any other relationship. Human beings are complex in their thoughts and actions. Each person lives many lives in one — one life that their parents expect them to live, another that their office boss wants them to live, while still another that they believe they should be living. Coordinating so many lives at the same time brings together conflicting egos, as a result of which relationships suffer.
But true love has nothing to do with typical relationships. The later’s success depends on the skills used by people to satisfy the egos of their partners. This is because in true love, a person sees their partner as a reflection of themselves, rather than another whom they’d want to possess, hold on to, and change according to their wishes. Since human beings love themselves the most, above everything else in the world, it is but natural for them to love their partners unconditionally when they’re their true love.
Now, the billion dollar question is: How to find your real valentine? A person may never fully understand their partner even after staying together for their entire life, and there is certainly an element of luck involved in finding our other half among the millions of people we come across in our lives. Yet, I believe in the connection between the hearts. I know I sound old-fashioned and flowery, but waiting in silence and listening to one’s heartbeat being reverberated in every small action that the other person takes, is the only way of knowing whether they have a soft corner for you. If there is a genuine connection, you’ll definitely see the sparks, no matter how small the spark is. And if you don’t ever find that person in your life, or the person you love doesn’t love you back, don’t regret, don’t despise yourself. Keep the fire burning in your heart. Respect your feelings and keep nurturing them slowly.
Unlike the give-and-take relationships, true love believes only in giving. Today’s young adults need to understand this. True love is not something that can be played strategically and won. And even if one does win, remember that love is a verb, not an adjective. It’s a continuous action. You have to keep caring, being there for that person for your entire life. The person will find out if you’re imitating your feelings as soon as both of you start living under the same roof. So, if you really love someone, love them without any expectations, or never let that person know about your feelings for that reason.
All this will sound bookish, impractical, foolish… You’ve had a taste of intelligently-matched relationships — the various dating sites match you based on your preference for food, dresses, music, movies, traveling etc, or your choice of relationships (whether it is one-night stands, open relationships or friends with benefits that you’re looking for) or matching based on qualifications and work experience (full time, part time or contractual), or even the food you order online (viz. tiffins, starters or full meal course). And I hope you’ll be honest to admit that the frequent break-ups and moving-on-to-new-relationships part has not been very pleasant on you. But if you wish for more meaningful and long-lasting (if not ever-lasting) relationships, then why not give this kind of love a try?
With this kind of love, there will be no tension of guessing your partner’s mood rightly, or to live up to their expectations, please their families unreasonably, and despite all these, live under the continuous anxiety of losing them. When you love your replica, you love them the best without having to worry about the future of your relationship, because you know yourself the best. So, till you find that person in your life, be your own valentine.
Happy Romancing !
Featured image provided by the author.