People always talk about how a toxic relationship almost destroyed their lives, ruined their self-confidence, brought their self-esteem to the ground. They will tell you how that one person put them at a place where they couldn’t even recognise themselves, how everything fell apart, how they hit rock bottom. But, hardly does anyone talk about a toxic friendship destroyed their lives.
You will often come across survival stories of people who were in a bad relationship, they will share their journeys with you so that it inspires anyone and everyone else who is going through the same. Such inspiring stories of adapting, surviving and thriving through the worse. But what do you do when you get yourself into a toxic relationship with a friend? How do you come out of that? I mean yes, the answer is as easy as stop being friends with them. But is it as easy as it sounds?
As melodramatic as it may sound, but in my experience, a bad friendship is so much worse than a bad relationship, or friendships in my case. Yes, plural. Now, I am a person who doesn’t learn from her mistakes. One might also call me an idiot because it’s either that or I have an atrocious fate. I believe in astral influence so I’ll stick with the latter.
It’s been a lifetime of poor choices for me or poor friendship choices to be precise. Years have passed and I am going through the same spiral and it’s devastating every single time. It has brought me to a point where when I meet a new person, my anxiety kicks in and I all I could think about is how this friend will exactly be the same as the others and I barely know them. As a result, I become hostile and unapproachable and numb. I had trust issues with everyone.
We meet hundreds of people in our lives and only a bunch of them remain in our lives as our friends, and out of that bunch, you have that one person you call your best friend.
Now, I want you to imagine your best friend and think of all the things you have done for each other, all the moments you have spent together, all the fun you had and now imagine them choosing someone else over you. Imagine one day waking up and finding out that you have been blocked or you have been calling them or texting them nonstop and all you get is a cold dead answer “stop bothering me, if I want to talk to you I will, stop calling me.” And the line goes blank. Hurts, doesn’t it? Or something like “you are the worst thing that ever happened to me. You don’t deserve to be called a friend.” This is the story of my life. Not once not twice but every time. I pick a human, make friends with them, and then best friends, only to end up crying myself to sleep.
When your partner breaks your heart, you go to your friends but when your friends break your heart, whom do you go to? How do you deal with broken friendships? Whom do you vent to? Do you stop making friends? Believing in people? What do you do when your friends think it’s okay to parade all over you? These were the questions that were eating me up and literally swallowing me inside out until I went numb.
Being anxious, you always think that it’s your fault that your life is crumbling around you because you weren’t good enough. And that is exactly what I was thinking. I am not a good friend. I might have said something or done something to offend them. Maybe I was too clingy or not available at all. Maybe I was oversharing everything or not sharing anything at all.
It took me a couple of years and a lot of medications (if you’ve read my previous article you would know why) to realise that they did what they did because they wanted to end the story. It was not my responsibility to make them stay or be my friend. It’s not my fault either.
I might not be the best person, but believe me, I am not the worst too. Why did they become cold? Why did they hurt us? Why did they leave? These were not the questions I was answering anymore. I might be at fault but so were you. We were in this together. *winks*. I tried and tried until you gave me no reason but to quit. But did that change me? Yes but for good.
Now I have friends that I can trust, rely upon. I have become much more open in making friends, cautiously though. I am more of a ‘mast maula’ now. Because if I need you, you need me too. I am happy. I am content. I am better than I’ve ever been all because a person once told me ‘’itna sab hone ke baad bi kisi par bharosa karo na tho raat me neend achchi ati hai” ( If you can still trust someone after everything that’s happened, then you’ll sleep better at night).
So sleep well, guys. It’s a friendship, not a bond. If they want to stay, they will. If they won’t they were never your friends. Atleast that is what I learned.
*Feature image is representational.*