“When you like a flower, you pluck it. But when you love a flower, you water it daily.”
I don’t exactly remember where or when I read this line for the first time. But it got stuck in mind so much so that I happened to implement it too. It was around seven years ago when I’d met a girl. We talked, then moved further and became casual friends. But she stopped there, while I kept moving further and started loving her. Days passed, then years passed. Sometimes we fought, sometimes we shared happy moments. Then, we stopped talking. We got busy in our lives, but even today, whenever someone talks about love, her face flashes in my mind. I get annoyed if someone talks ill about her, because for me, she is still the same girl I had met seven years ago.
Love has a vague meaning. I hear different people stating different versions of love. For some, having sex is love. For some, love is quantified by the number of Good morning, Good night messages one receives or sends. Some claim to be in love because they have been in a relationship for ‘n’ number of years; very close and impressive, but still, it doesn’t suffice, because you can be in a relationship for various other reasons (like compromise, personal circumstances etc) that have no direct connection with love.
So what is love? Below are some of the key points that I would like to talk about. They are completely from my perspective, how I look at love, what all I have learned in these years from experience, and also, by observing others around me.
Loving Vs Liking Vs Mere Attraction: You see a good-looking girl, she turns back and looks at you. That’s it. Almost 90% of boys consider that they have fallen in love. But this is just attraction. Your hormones are hijacking your mind, you need not float in air. Now, if the girl starts talking to you, you get to know her better. She is being nice to you, you still think that you are in love. But, the moment she reveals that she is not single, your feelings for her change. You start slut-shaming her, and start searching for another alternative. You were just liking her for what she could have been for you. At this point, you have literally fallen in love. But, what if her relationship status doesn’t bother you? Instead, since she is unavailable, you can choose to not cross the line, but still like her for whatever she is, and not for what she should have been for you. In this case, you’d have risen in love!
Fear of Losing- This is the same kind of fear that we used to have before exams, what if I fail? What if I score low? No matter how hard we try, what comes in the question paper is never going to be in our hands. Similarly, what the other person wishes, aspires to be, thinks, speaks, or does, is never in our hands. We can only do our part. The catch is that you need to decide where to stop doing your part, and when to stop being stupid. Desperately trying to impress someone, pretending to be a fake version of yourself will do no good. Be yourself, you will be liked by someone, disliked by someone else.
Love is Seeing The Good In A Person- The girl I loved had qualities that I would dislike. Yet, she had some goodness in her, like being a great daughter, and being outspoken and bold, and I admired her for all these. I would get upset when she acted stupid, but would also keep reminding her why she is better than others, even though she felt she wasn’t.
The Dreaded One-Sided Love- People call it one-sided love, but I prefer calling it just love. After all, love is always one sided and selfless. When two people are involved, you need to consider a lot of factors, such as trust, compatibility, mutual understanding etc. And only then can you expect to have a relationship. Relationships are like a deal, very complicated and not feasible for everyone. But, love is simple, where you are in-charge.
What’s my take on love? It enhances your ability to be a better human. It will tear you apart if you have ill intentions, but it can also turn you into a blissful soul. I don’t dream about her all day long, but at the same time, I will never leave her alone in case she needs help. That’s what I have always done, without expecting her to do the same for me. I will settle down or might find new love, a new girl, my priorities in life will change, but I will always cherish every moment I had being in love. Do I regret? Do I feel lonely because I am still single at 25? Hell no. Because the very first eligibility of loving someone else is for you to love yourself!