Wish To Know Thyself? Here’s How Carl Rogers Can Help.

What do you like the most about me? How do you think I am? Or simply, who am I?

Have you ever caught yourself asking these questions to your near and dear ones? Or ever wondered why you are the way you are? Well, if you have, then welcome to my world! There has not been a single day in my life when I have not thought about myself or the way I am. Sometimes I am very jolly and fun to be with, but then there are days when it is better you don’t even come near me. My mood swings can make my world topsy turvy and affect my behaviour. I am sure the biology associated with brain and mind plays a huge role, but most of the time, to know yourself in a particular context, you need to just think. Confusing, is it? Dear readers, let me help you reach there where my mind wants to take you.

According to me, Carl Rogers is the greatest psychologist of all times. I love his work so much that if I was born in his era or if he were in mine, I would have readily accepted a job of working at his house even if nothing else was given. Unlike other psychologists, his theories had that human touch which would help you figure almost every single problem of yours. Rogers talks about a “fully functioning person”. He holds the view that humans have this innate tendency to grow and that if given an opportunity, they would strive to be the best version of themselves. What differentiates humans from animals is the fact that they can express. Express what they think, what they like, and what they wish to do.
Are you wondering why I chose the word “wish” over “want”? Well, if you are, then let me explain. When I tell somebody that I want an ice cream, I am expressing a need that has arisen within because maybe, I am hungry or it is too hot outside and an ice cream would just make my day. But if I use “wish”, you see it has this slight connotation of desire. “Wish”, in a way, expresses my fantasy or something you can’t always believe. For example, I wish I was there with my friends or I wish I could go back and change the time. Here, the word “wish” is expressing something that is out of my reach now.

The same logic Carl Rogers applies in his theory. According to him, people are always directed towards achieving something and realise their true potential. As humans, we are so engrossed that most of our actions are on the path of understanding who we are and what we wish to do. And this is where the concept of “SELF” jumps in. Two types of self that come in existence are, “The Real Self” and “The Ideal Self”. The Real Self is what we are right now at the moment, and The Ideal Self is what we wish to become. In simple language, the real self explains our present condition and the ideal self explains our expectations and aspirations that we have from ourselves.

So when we are happy, it means our Real Self and Ideal Self are congruent. Our present actions are complementing with our future course. What we wish to be is right on track as our Real Self is helping us mind our actions. But if you find that there is something that is bothering you, then understand that your Real Self and Ideal Self are not on the same page. Let’s say, you are invited to your friend’s birthday party and want to go. However, you also have a list of tasks to complete to get that promotion for which you have worked hard. You realise you are in a situation because both the things for you are important. I mean, come on, your Real Self has worked hard enough on this job and this friend of yours has always been there for you, no matter what. So, what will you do? You cannot be at both places. If you do not go, your friend will be upset, and if you do go, your efforts will go in vain. Under such conditions, Rogers would say, “My dear friend, rather than pondering over this, choose one thing which is the most important of all and complete it first.” When you do, you realise that in this whole process you have stayed happy and then can go for the other task. This will not only stop you from compromising but will also protect your ‘self’ from unnecessary discrepancies.

The other happy condition would be that you finish your work on time and can now enjoy with your friend whole-heartedly because you didn’t waste your time pondering over menial issues that your mind started creating. In this entire process, we realise so much about ourselves that it becomes easy for us only to pen down what we are. Those experiences create this sense of satisfaction that our self-concept and self-esteem are boosted.                   

I did not know what to write today but when my mind started thinking, Rogers came first. There is some connection you see. It took me only 45 minutes to write this because I love what I am sharing with you. So try it out yourself. Remember your experiences, jot down how you behaved and what you wanted out of that situation. Then try to align it with your ideal self. If things don’t go your way, then understand your Ideal Self is pointing out something to you and don’t be afraid to follow it. I guess that is why they say ‘Listen to Your Heart‘ because perhaps, our heart is our Ideal Self and it helps us in becoming who we wish to be.

(This article is written by Snigdha Nair who is providing Online Counselling under our Mental Health Internship Program.)
Do you want to realise your potential or are you finding it hard to listen to your heart? Then let us help you out. Yo Zindagi’s heart can help you communicate with your heart.

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