“Phoolon ka taron ka sabka kehna hai
Ek hazaaron mein meri ‘maa’ hai.”
This is how much I love you maa. If I can change a song for you, I can change the entire world if you once tell me to do that. My love for you is something I can never be able to put into words. It directly blossoms on the floor of my heart and the nectar nestles on the top of my mouth. I have no idea how to start this letter and how to end. I can’t tell how much my thoughts ponder here and there and my heart skips a beat when I hold the pen in the name of you. All my words get stirred where your image gets transparent in my soul.
Right from the beginning, when I was a toddler, didn’t know how to speak and could barely understand my surroundings, you were there to lift me in your lap and you did everything that can’t be expressed through my words or writings. There was a time when papa was extremely sick, dealing with extreme mental health problems, I have seen you crying for nights, shattered like a broken piece of glass and still didn’t forget to attend your job.
Our relatives have always backstabbed us, bad-mouthed us and left no ways untried to see us dwell in the abyss of extreme turmoil. Only you were there to shield us from any storm or struggles and forwarded your arm to burden it with loads of responsibilities.
As I am writing this letter, I can’t stop my eyes shedding tears remembering the hardships that strangulated you from inside and you, being the unsung warrior fought them with your valiant heart.
Strength and patience are the two most important things I have learnt from your guidance.
Life has never been a cakewalk for both of us. In my adolescence, when insecurity choked me like a demon, when I was drowning in the abyss of low self-esteem, when a round of bullies, taunts, and mockeries clawed me to the paths of self-harm and when I was losing myself in a directionless ocean, you pulled me out of everything.
You taught me to fight, to never lose self-confidence, to keep resilience for the good time and to face struggles as a cup of tea. I am always indebted to you for whatever you have sacrificed for the sake of me. I am sorry maa for distrusting you for my own wrong choice. You forbade me to fall in love with the wrong guy and I disobeyed you on the spur of the moment. I got hurt and knew you were right. and even you were always right about me, about the good and bad, and about everything.
Do you remember maa, how much I loved your handmade food when I was home? You made noodles, ‘luchi’, ‘aloor dum’, ‘cholar dal’, ‘rosogolla’, ‘pantua’, briyani, fried rice and I savoured them like a hungry lion. When I was away home, the thing I missed the most was your food. It’s not you who did the magical cooking, it was your love that you mixed with the spices and made them heavenly. I found later that maa’s foods give the satisfaction that none of the fast foods can offer. It will take a decade or maybe a century or more to forget the taste of them from the tip of my tongue. The foods still beckon me to taste them and you still illuminate my mind like a diamond.
There is not a single day when I don’t celebrate your endless love, your positive aura, your amazingness and your unique persona. I wish I could be able to resonate with the vibes you release. But no, you are you. You can never be replaced, maa! I wish one day I would be able to make your head high with pride so that you can loudly acknowledge me as your daughter. Hope, that one day is not so far. I can never repay you in my entire life and till my seven births.
I wish to remain like a small child in your safe shelter. Do not forget to take your medicines regularly or else, I shall make you eat them forcefully. Till the next time I write another letter to you, please cherish every moment you have and smile quite often. Your smile means the world to me. Love you maa!