It’s 2020, mom, and I know it has been far more difficult for you than it has for any of us.
I know you’ve been through the inevitable, something I’d rather not even wish to imagine. And yet, you put on that brave face and paced through for someone you so dearly loved. I wouldn’t wish to say that I know how you might feel, because I’d rather die than live in your shoes for this particular instance — for I love you too much to live a day without you, and yet, you hold the courage when Naani is not here.
I know you got a goodbye you never really imagined, it was painful and helpless. Yet, you said it in your own way. I saw you, mom, from that corner with tears in my eyes. I saw you holding back everything you were overwhelmed with. I saw you being the strong-headed warrior Naani made you, as you took care of everything she left behind. You held yourself with all your might, and also the love you had for her. I hold just the same love for you. I saw you mom, and this is why I’m writing this to you.
It is okay for you to break down every once in a while when you remember her. It’s okay for you to cry and feel the pain you’ve ignored for so long. It’s okay not be there for others, and sometimes, just be yourself, because grieving is not a crime and neither is breaking down every once in a while because you miss her.
You’ve been the sole pillar to Naanu and I know he couldn’t be more blessed to have a daughter like you. But as you hide away from him with every overwhelming emotion clenched to your heart, just know that I’ll be there for you, whenever you need me. It’s been almost four months now, but I know you miss her because I miss her too, and sometimes, it feels good to live in your memory while sitting in a room full of people.
One sleepless night, I met her once again mom, I never told you this, but I met her and she told me how she trusts me to take care of you and Naanu. She looked beautiful then, mom, just like a pretty angel with all her love surrounding her. I promised her, mom. I did, but if ever, every once in a while, I slip through that promise, please forgive me too, and take care of it.
But amidst it all, I want you to know that I’ll be there, I’ll always be there, whenever you may need me, and that’s what I want you to know. You can fall back too, because I have you. I’ll always have your back.
Happy Mother’s Day, Maa!
Happy Mother’s Day, Naani!
The munchkin who cares.