I have been always hesitant to talk about my mother or Amma as I called her. Maybe there is a reluctance working inside me all the time because I might not know all about her. Its been 20 years since I lost my mother. I still remember the day from the eyes of a 9 years old child, when her body was brought home for burial. The day I lost her, I lost my rights, the opportunities I could have received to be loved by my mother. For the last 20 years, I have searched for a divine shadow, an entity to protect me, guide me through many harsh times, I have gone by.
The pain, the agony inside my heart kept growing, maybe it made me stronger to sustain as I grew up in this complex world. Every time I saw my friends getting love and protection from their mom, it tore me from within. I always asked myself why I was being part of this deprivation, then it made me realize, it might be more difficult for my other 2 siblings as they are elder and I still have them. With time the heart is healed and we accept the truth but many questions are unresolved and always will be.
From different members of family and friends, I got to know about my mother. I learned how affectionate, lovable, and kind-hearted my Amma was. From time to time people, those who knew her got back to us and narrated many stories she was a part of. I remember she was never reluctant to support people in need. Anytime anyone reached out to her for help, she readily served them. At times she was strict too to make sure we are on the right track for studies. She took part in social work activities in our hometown and encouraged many other women to come out to participate in welfare activities. Her cooking skills were very famous and there is no single incident when she didn’t offer food to a guest who came to our house.
We hear stories from others about the kind of impact she has left still in people’s hearts. But still, there is a part of me, always hungry that wants to solve the puzzles. She wanted to see me grow up. Did I suffice her expectations as a mother, how were her days when she was growing up? What made her happy, what pain did she carry inside her? All these questions of her past and my future will be never be answered and will remain a mystery.
Like every year, it is time for, “Intentional Mother’s Day”, to applaud and love all the mother’s in the world. Mothers are the best beings in the whole world who shape the lives of children. They protect, encourage, and guide the path of the people who prepare themselves ready for the next battle of life. The love of mothers is not replaceable on any cost, the sacrifices mothers make for the family and the children can not be weighed with any meters.
The strength with which we carry ourselves is backed by the divine entity from whom we came, and so, to my mother and all the mothers in the world, a very Happy Mother’s Day. Words are too small to describe your being.