Lockdown. Silent screams envelop the empty roads, doors are sealed, feet are tied, tongues feel twisted, and the only minuscule glimmer of hope we see from the safety of our homes is the flickering streetlights accompanying the glister of the heavenly white gleam of the moon.
Lockdown is a word that’s been echoing in our ears for the past two weeks; however, as far as I am concerned, I have been on lockdown for the past 4 months 3 weeks and 12 days to be exact.
I feel locked out of my own brain. My fingers hover over the enticing keyboard that seems to be silently screaming my name. As tempting as that is, my wrists feel tied with the tightest thread pulling me away from my magical escape; the world of words.
Although my heart races with a thousand unrealistic ideas clouding over the harsh reality, temporarily shielding me from all things negative, my mind feels fatigued.
My mind and my heart have always been the greatest companions. Ever since I discovered a keyboard and an empty document, my mind does the working as my heart does the talking.
However, as alien as this is, my mind has recently become my greatest enemy. It rarely listens when my heart goes numb from talking too much. It hardly understands when my fingers quiver from the feeling of being held back over an empty keyboard.
It can barely hear the whispering words that my heart wishes to be written. It’s a scary feeling, being locked out of a place you once knew so well.It’s like walking into your own house, but getting lost on your way to the living room. It’s a feeling of uncertainty mingled with a persistent fear of everlasting quietness.
It’s a feeling that makes you question your own ability to create the wonders that you were once convinced you could create.
It’s a deafening silence tied together with the unnerving sounds of my tingling fingertips pressing frantically over the inviting keyboard, achieving nothing but an agglomeration of random alphabets clustered together, spelling nothing but words that don’t exist.
For me, words aren’t just words. Sentences aren’t just a few words linked together to form phrases and phrases aren’t just sentences tied together by invisible threads.
Words and sentences mesmerize me, they enchant me.
They pull me away from reality and send me to a fictitious world that doesn’t exist where the only sound blaring is the sound of my heart beating mingled with the sound of my fingers slamming against the keyboard, creating a comforting balance.
My keyboard and my fingers are connected by an invisible thread of sheer passion, that connects me to my soul.