It has been eight years since I first got my period and I still remember the day so vividly. I remember squatting on the toilet to find stains on my underwear. But unlike informing my mother about it right away, I slipped on a pad that I never thought I’d need and ran to my doctor’s office. He calmed me and explained how it was normal. In fact, it indicated that my hormone therapy had been working. He handed me some painkillers and told me to give him a call if I bleed too much.
After getting home, I spent the next 2 hours on the Internet researching about menstruation in transgenders. It took so long because the net had very little to say about it. That’s when I realized how menstruation wasn’t just a taboo but something transgenders found really hard to talk about. Anyway, I called my sister and she told me everything about it and I mean everything. She even sent me some home remedies for period pain.
Thinking about my first period always takes me to the day I draped my first sari. I was nervous, not only because I wasn’t sure about how many pleats I was supposed to make but also because I was on my period and I was afraid I’d stain the pretty sari my mother gifted me. Finalizing on five pleats, I ruffled them until the folds fell neatly and tucked them into place. I reached over to the shelf and grabbed a handful of jasmines and pinned the flowers on my short hair as I stood in front of the mirror. I just couldn’t stop staring at myself. Staring at the fact that I felt so complete as a person, it made me smile.
This bodily process might have me groaning all day with its cramps but it also acts as a reminder. It reminds me that I can have children now. A being of my own.
It was this period that helped me understand the depth in being a woman. You see, every experience comes with its pleasure and pain. It is these two things that carve the person and their journey. It is these two things that have taught them both gratitude and strength.
God truly works in funny ways. I guess this was his way of making me appreciate myself. It is the longing and in the process of being someone you don’t want to be that you finally come to realize the true value of your gender identity.
So yes, periods, what might seem like a pain in the ass, which it is, is also something extremely liberating to me.