Social norms and practices play a vital role in restricting the childhood and denial of individuality. The girl child is vulnerable to such practices and norms in almost every society.
Interestingly, most of such practices are observed in the society in the name of ‘protection’ and ‘training of womanhood’ that creates a separate and discriminatory space for them, and training to live a submissive life. The people of Assam ‘celebrate’ the menstrual cycle of a girl through a festival known as ‘Tuloni Bia’ or a ‘Mini Marriage’.
“Social norms are rules developed by a group of people that specify how people must, should, may, should not, and must not behave in various situations.” (Lesh, Larson, and Goerman)
The menstruation ‘restriction’ of the Assamese community, celebrated as a small or mini marriage, called Tuloni Bia, introduces the end of childhood of a girl.
Menarche is conveyed as a shocking or fearful event and imposes a set of regulations and restrictions. Instead of health and hygienic concerns, it is reinforcing unnecessary social values and avoidance.
Practices just like these raise serious questions around gender equality. Such social norms develop ‘submissive’ gender consciousness from the childhood period of the girls. It also perpetuates the taboo and exclusion from equal participation in society.
The socialization process of a child is very important. Childhood is the most beautiful duration of every human life. This is the time when the physical, as well as the psychological growth of a child, is growing fast and it remains lifelong.
In Assam when a girl child proceeds her first menstruation, it is believed that her childhood has ended and now she is bound in certain restrictions. Here the question arises if it is her ‘fault’ that she is a girl or our so-called social norms made gender differences from childhood. All these practices are based on the concept of pollution and purity, and children are ignored and isolated from society by offering fearful experiences of childhood.
Tuloni Bia
Tuloni Bia is a ritualistic symbolic wedding that is performed a few days after the girl has her first menstruation. It is a ritual distinct to the Hindu Tai Ahoms and many other Assamese groups who have their own theories about its significance and origins.
The mock marriage of one’s daughter to the banana tree signifies the girl attaining adulthood and the potential to bear a child. The girl isn’t allowed to eat anything but only fruits till the 4th day when she is confined to a room. Men will not be allowed in nearby and she isn’t allowed to be touched by anyone.
Generally, on the 4th day, the girl is bathed with proper wedding rituals, using maah-halodhi (turmeric). A banana tree is planted at the site where the girl is to be bathed. After the 4th day rituals, till the day which the astrologer deems suitable for the ‘wedding’, the girl has to be inside the room only and she has to follow all the restrictions/norms of this tradition. The girl can have only a one-time meal (boiled) in the evening cooked by herself in a separate stove and in the day time she is allowed to have fruits only.
The ‘wedding’ is generally celebrated on a large scale with members of the community participating in large numbers to bless the girl into a new life.
Here, on the one hand, they are celebrating the menarche and on the other hand, this celebration consumes the childhood of the girl. After the fourth day celebration of this menstrual culture (Tuloni Bia), a group of women comes to the bride’s house to make her aware of some social norms to be followed after the menstrual cycle of a girl child by singing some ‘Bia Naam’ (marriage songs).
While experiencing the practice myself, I felt like my childhood period has ended, as some of the songs meant that I couldn’t play with my male friends like before, I can’t go anywhere alone, I have to be careful while choosing my clothes, I am no more a child now, rather I will have to see myself as a woman, I have to maintain some distance from all the male members, and so on.
It is important to make children aware of the biological changes but it doesn’t mean discriminate between them. These restrictions or norms can easily create a psychological impact on a girl. Childhood is a beautiful time period, where every individual goes through the different life cycles and every cycle of our life creates impact in our overall life. There should be free space for them to explore everything, but these restrictions and norms restrict them and impose limitations.
This practice also creates gender-biased discrimination on the basis of biological growth. Only girls are taught to maintain distance from boys but the same is not taught to the boy. Childhood restrictions are applicable to girls but not boys.
As we all know menstruation is a natural process. Celebrations are welcomed to acknowledge and respect the process but not to impose restrictions on anyone due to this process. Prohibition of such norms can only help a girl child to have a healthy childhood.
Can’t we together work or raise our voice to not implement such restrictions?