Charles Cooley stated based on his, “Looking Grass-Self Theory” and I quote “I am not who you think I am. I am not who I think I am, I am who I think you think I am”. This reveals how people in society construct ideas or concepts that may not exist without the existence of people. We are concerned with what is and what will be widely acceptable for our society. How they are going to judge us is more important for us that how we are living our life. We believe that society and culture create gender roles and these roles are prescribed as ideal or appropriate behavior for a person of that specific sex. We all know that males have different sets of mind about something that female do not and vice versa. But we are giving more importance to gender roles that are mainly formed by our society on the basis of stereotypes in our society, representation of gender norms in mass media productions, parental expectations, the beliefs of different religious traditions about gender, expectations of people and the way society view people. Since childhood, everyone received certain expectations from their parents and relatives to be either grown up as a normal masculine male and feminine female. The individual never got that opportunity to understand the meaning of real masculine and feminine. The traditionally viewed as masculine in western society includes strength, courage, independence, violence, and assertiveness. In the reading from “Night to His Day”, it said that, “in social interaction throughout their lives, individuals learn what is expected, see what is expected, act and react in an expected way and maintain the gender order.” We all are creating a burden on people from their birth to be someone without giving them that freedom of thinking about their behavior and thoughts. They are carrying the burden of expectations and in whole life, people are reacting as per expectations raised by society. Our parents taught us that male has to act in a certain way and female has to act in another way and because of stereotype and expectations we are acting in an expected way. In 1987, Eisler & Skidmore studied masculinity, creating the idea of masculine stress and finding three elements of masculinity which often result in emotional stress: “The emphasis on prevailing in situations requiring body and fitness Being perceived as emotional Need for adequacy in sexual matters and financial status” It is important to mention that because of social norm and pressure associated with masculinity, they are feelings of decreased physical powers with lowered self-esteem and loss of male identity. Feeling of guilt and overall loss of control are also experienced. They are not sharing their emotions with anyone. They are alone without anyone. They are crying by sitting at the corner as they have that apprehension that if anyone will see them they will say that the person is weak. Kindlon and Thompson wrote that “although all boys are born loving and empathic, exposure to gender socialization the tough male ideal and hyper-masculinity limits their ability to function as emotionally healthy adults. Boys lack the ability to understand and express emotions productivity because of the stress imposed by masculine gender roles.” We are associating the characters of masculinity and femininity with a particular gender without realizing the concept. For us, strong and tough is masculine and weak, and soft are associated with feminine character. Don’t compare and blame every male by giving the idea of patriarchy. In the 21st century, no men want to domination over women. Patriarchy is the reason for raising assumptions on the basis of femininity and masculinity. Men also are abused verbally, physically, emotionally, psychologically, and sexually. According to a recent study, 51.5% of males experienced violence at the hands of their wives/intimate partner at least once in their lifetime and 10.5% in the last 12 months and I cannot ignore this study. When physical violence and threats against men by wife’s relatives are taken into account, an estimated 3 crore men are facing domestic violence in India. Supreme Court of India already show the concern and asked to stop the “legal terrorism” in the form of misuse of 498A and the necessary changes to be made by the Parliament. The individual is responsible and liable for his/her action and we cannot blame the whole group. Everyone is having power and all are equal and no one is subordinate. For me, women are equal or even superior to men. Don’t put any pressure on the basis of stereotypes and expectations and try to reduce stress so that men can express their feelings and emotions. They have the right to do the same. Feminine and masculinity are two concepts and men and women cannot live without these traits. We have to tell ourselves to take a walk in the sunshine and to give respect to our physical bodies. Give time to listen to men’s dreams and their stories and show some affection to them. Then only we can make peace. We are not aware that men are dominated by patriarchal prejudices. Because of this men are not at peace with themselves. They are not giving the best to secure their relationship. They are crying for some meaning in their life without stereotypes and expectations. Feeling without masculinity strength and power without love is irrelevant therefore we both men and women should not try to live without any traits of feminine or masculinity. Male is incomplete without feminine traits and women are incomplete without masculine traits.
Men Feel Stressed When Society Associates Them With Masculinity
