I am a go to person and 2:00 AM friend for most. It has always been easy for people around me to share their feelings, and its easier for me to find a common ground even with strangers. In-spite that i always find it difficult to share my feelings with anyone else. Its not that i don’t have people around me, or neither that my friends and family aren’t close enough. But i always thought that they won’t be able to understand the depth of my situation or i thought that i might be adding another things for them to worry about. Hence, i kept my feelings to myself. I was always found other side of table giving advises, comforting other and fighting their battles as front head warrior but not sharing my own.
As i was always comforting rather being comforted and helping rather being helped out. I feel trouble in sharing my feelings or simply showing my vulnerable side, because for many i was one with mature and stronger exterior, where inside even i had some issues and questions unanswered. Sometimes i was unable to distinguish between whether its my ‘ego’ or my ‘soul’ is talking to me. But i self known it all along that i can’t always be right while making my decision and choices. I clearly needed help as well with some issues but i didn’t know how to ask for help and i still wasn’t sure that people could help because it had piled up and was too much to deal with for people around me.
All i wanted, was to express and share my feelings with someone. So, i started writing sometimes openly or sometimes anonymously. I use to write either online or in fragments inside my dairies or my journals. Writing helped me to rationalize that where my feelings were coming from. Now, that i am comfortable with what do i feel? and why do i feel it? I am also able to share my feelings with others more openly. Now i am a better version of my self and i am again able to fight battles of my loves ones along side with them. Writing is very intimate experience and it always allows you to reflect in all possible manner and connect in all possible manner.
Here I am to suggest the same to you that please talk to someone, please be open always try connect more and more and reflect more and more. Because even in flights they say if something happens please put your mask first and than help others. You would be able to help your loved ones only when you are able to help yourself. Share your feeling , express yourself in more creative and innovative ways. It really is the best way to live a happy life. Everyone struggles in their own ways, seek help if you need to. Share when you feel its required. live, love and laugh. Remember sharing really is caring !
-Tanya Badhan