Two years ago I had lost myself. Because two uncalled guests had came into my life i.e. anxiety and depression. No no no…. Wait…. I don’t want any sympathy from you. Not at all…
Infact no one would like to share or talk about it. But I’ll talk and I’ll definitely talk about it because I am nt ashamed of it. And it happens. It truly happens. Generally people come to know that there’s something wrong with them and then they go to doctor they get diagnosed. But in my case I didn’t know what was happening and why? I used to laugh and enjoy in front of everyone but deep inside it was destroying me… I started forgetting things. I wasn’t able to remember what I studied. I started loosing interest in daily chores I used to do,everything that makes me happy. But those things were no longer my happiness. I wasn’t interested in any of them. I didn’t even want to think about them. They seemed to be useless like a trash. And slowly I started becoming a pessimist for myself. I was surrounded by weird and unwelcomed thoughts all the time. They used to come from nowhere just to haunt me in everyway possible. Every single time I was trying to keep myself busy somehow and to ignore all the negativity. I had many achievements but I was not feeling happy and satisfied. There were some unknown fears that had captured me. I was not able to say or to express anything. I was becoming hollow inside and was so piled up too. I do remember my first worst panic attack… It was so sudden with shortness of breath, raced heartbeat and an unknown overwhelming fear. My nights were sleepless and days were over drowsy. I had started loosing my weight. I used to cry for hours even without knowing a single reason. I didn’t want to make an eye contact with anyone. But I used to talk with a fake smile on my face irrespective of whatever I was hiding inside. Gradually things started changing. I came to know what was happening and I accepted the truth. It became so severe because I had people to talk but I felt no one would understand… they can’t do anything. #overthinking. So I remained myself shut as I had no words to explain. And yar just believe in yourself.
Whatever happens just keep fighting. N if u’ll tell anyone 8/10 would say… ” Let it be yaar ignore it.. Don’t think about it…. It’s all in your mind.. You are an attention seeker n nothing much… Just snap out of it… You are so emotional it’s just becauss of that you are creating all this drama… Don’t cry on small things like a baby….” Because it’s not possible. They don’t know your situations.. You are the one who is facing it right! It’s so difficult for us to get out of the bed in the morning. To do our daily chores. We don’t want to feel pity on ourselves. People think that depression is only something resulting in dark circles, crying all the time, feeling suicidal and feeling lost somewhere else. No it’s not like that. A person who is laughing in front of you can be at a stage of chronic depression. And please I would request never say like that to anyone not even for fun.. He/she would be already so demotivated. And this actually happened with me… All I wanted was just two ears to listen my words and my silence as well. And when I stopped sharing or saying anything then they say ” What happened tell me what’s wrong with you. I’ll listen just try to say it.” Do remember acceptance is the first step for everything. Face every situation and fight it back. I am so proud that I fought my battle so bravely and I am still fighting with my fears. Everyone has a purpose in their life that’s why we are still alive. Believe in God find your purpose and keep working on it. All I would say there’s always a wayout for everything. Keep fighting and Be strong. Stay happy and blessed.