I have joined this forum very recently, but I have noticed a certain trend among members. If we keep the positivity aside, there is an undercurrent of dissatisfaction with our in-laws, especially mothers-in-law. I have read a lot of stories of mistreatment of ‘bahus’, which makes me wonder, why does it happen? Where are we, as women, going wrong? Why are women, women’s “worst enemies”?
I have actually witnessed this phenomenon first hand. My mother has this group of friends, kitty party types, who meet to share gossip and food once a month. They have been together before I was born, and have shared a lot of their lives with each other. But over the years, though the quality of their food improved, their conversations became shocking.
They used to talk about their husbands and children, and of course, their mothers-in-law in between. Their children grew older, and their troubles changed, but one fine day, they all became mothers-in-law themselves. And now, these same women began complaining about their own daughters-in-law. I was appalled, how could they have forgotten what they went through?
And then I realised, women have this sort of ability to transfer all their miseries to the next woman they meet. They think that since we have suffered in the past, we now have the divine right to torturing the newest unknowing woman who has the misfortune of becoming our ‘bahu’. Ask yourself this question, do you really think that when you become a ‘Saas’ yourself, will you treat her with the same respect and dignity that you wanted to be treated as? Will you think of her as your own daughter, and not just your son’s wife? Will you never complain about her small mistakes to your own friends, and instead, praise her for her efforts? Will you allow her to pursue her own career, and treat her equally as your son? Will this cycle ever end?
Fortunately, I have been very blessed in this department. My mother-in-law is a gem of a person and has always treated me as her own daughter. She not just runs the whole household herself, but also allows me to pursue my own dreams and passions without giving a pressure of “cooking”. She always tells me stories about her own mother-in-law, and how she strives to not be like her and be a good example for everyone. Seeing her gives me the confidence to think that, yes, woman on woman torture can really stop.
So now, when your time comes, remember your own days as a ‘bahu’, and treat your own ‘bahu’ like a daughter. If all women join hands like this, then we can easily defeat patriarchy.