I’ve been thinking to write about this topic since it has challenged me personally in my past. Disorder regarding the mental state is nothing but a phase of life that sometimes we cannot accept. I’ve been there. Rejection and failure are the two sides of this coin. Once you flick the coin, it’s bound to be there with either of the sides. I learnt this in a hard way but recovered. Not everyone has the potential to deal with it.
Recently, the demise of a well-known celebrity has become the centre of gossip for everyone. Everyone might be talking about it, but none of them has a particular feeling that leads you to understand what mental depression is and what it does internationally.
During my struggle, I had some friends who understood me and several books which guided, holding my hands and walked with me until I made sure that I could walk alone. Very few authors touched me on this topic. One of the few was Erich Fromm with his book The Art of Loving. I made some rules while reading that book. And I made them based on his knowledge and experience.
Love has an umbrella feeling of good. But if you are skilled enough to segregate, then you might categorise love into two different terms: conditional and unconstitutional. Always be aware of your value and your existence. From this, you can distinguish between the conditional and unconditional form of attachment. Sometimes you don’t even need to find unconditional love around you. If you are avoiding contact with humans, then a pet can be your buddy.
According to Nancy Chodorow, women are more expressive than men. But when you are dealing with depression, you have to be expressive, irrespective of your gender. Cry, please would you. Ease your heart with flowing tears. It will smash the stubborn rocks in your heart and melt them down.
Look, history has proved it. Even Mahatma Gandhi was assassinated. You are human. You feel pain. Please do not hurt yourself for the sake of someone who doesn’t deserve it. At the end of the day, everyone is going to forget you.
Indian society is like glue. Wherever you go, you will find a bunch of people keeping an eye on you and start judging you. It’s a fact. You cannot avoid such things with a huge population like our country. Always remember the pressure of society is needed to a level where you must not take any bad decision, not more than that.
People have a tendency these days to focus on negativity. Whether it is a source of rumour, facts, news, stories or a gossip. We always avoid the positive sides of an incident. If we focus on the dark spots of the moon, how are we going to enjoy the beauty of a full moon?
Competition always leads to quality; there is no doubt in it. But everyone has a limitation. Nobody can achieve everything. Competitiveness leads to a conflict where principles are broken and that results in a clash. There is a saying in Hindi “जितने की इच्छा जीने की इच्छा से बड़ी होती है” and you should know where to draw a line.
We live an unpredictable human life. There is no certainty in future. Relationship, career, plans do not always match your requirements. Whether you accept it or not, you cannot plan everything and you cannot win every battle. And sometimes small battles need to be sacrificed to win a war. Even if you don’t, accept with your heart and move on.
There is a word which I used to recommend in every small incident of life — “Perfectionist”. Perfectionists tend to control everything in a certain way that most of the time doesn’t go well. The world is a big stunning imperfect masterpiece. It’s an abstract painting. Different strokes, beautiful uneven shadows make it more delightful to watch. You would be a fool to seek perfection in every other picture.
We are socially connected to everyone. Parents, relatives, friends, partner, soulmate or colleagues, which makes our life separated and combined. We cannot compare human companionship with every relations we make. Our emotions are divided with different energies, attaching every individual of our life. The sweet tender of a mother’s touch on our head cannot be compared to the shoulder of a friend in need. Every chapter is important, and together combined, these make a beautiful book.
For stability of hormones, we need to get our machine working. There are no alternate ways to handle this. It’s your life, take only 30 minutes out of your whole day and invest it on your only home, your precious body. It is sacred; you will not realise it until it starts to degrade. Handle it with care.
So this is it. This is how I construct my way out of this dark pit called depression. Obviously, there is medication; there are extreme health condition to be taken care of by professionals. Whenever you feel it’s getting out of your hand, seek help. These personally tried and tested methods are completely my own experiences and I hope they help you too.