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The Making of a rapist

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If you are an active user of social media platforms, particularly Instagram, it is very likely that you know of the recent controversy, that transpired in the month of May, that was triggered by leaked screenshots of the obscene chats from ‘Bois Locker Room‘, an Instagram group chat comprising of teenage boys, belonging to rich urban upper class households and going to the top notch schools of Delhi, who were seen objectifying, body shaming and passing derogatory remarks on girls. They shared the girls’, mostly underage, pictures without their consent and one of the boys even proposed ‘gang raping‘ one of the girls. These screenshots, circulated widely on social media sites, reflected the ugly reality of the existing patriarchal and sexist beliefs that run rampant in our society.

 

The systematic subjugation, humiliation and sexual objectification of women under patriarchal structures has been something that is inherited from one generation to another, and continues to manifest itself through various alternative ways and on repeated occasions. Sexual coercion constitutes a big part of the structured subordination and relegation of women, so much so that it is one of the oldest forms of tyranny and oppression. This controversy also raised questions as to how easy it has become for people to make lewd and denigrating comments and simply get away with it without any action.

Besides this, what the incident spurred were intensive and fiery conversations that centered around modern day feminism, which many defendants and companions of those notorious boys, pejoratively, equated to ‘veiled misandry’. They instantly jumped to their defense as many of the other social media users expressed their rage over the incident and generalized ‘all men’. They held ‘all men’ as culprits of the incident, as they felt that the leaked chats have documented just one instance among the many which are conveniently swept under the rug. The uproar was so much so that on Sunday, 6 May 2020 the hashtag #boyslockerroom was retweeted over 30,000 times

In just a matter of a few days, the defendants of the members of the group chat as well as people who were uncomfortable with ‘all men’ being held accountable for the wrongdoings of a certain group stormed social media with the hashtag #NotAllMen, which is a common rebuttal to generalized statements. What ensued was a war of words, an unfortunate suicide and, at times, rape and death threats.

As someone studying in one of the highly reputed schools of Delhi, I could relate to the incident much more than I thought I would. Such groups and ‘banter’ are very commonplace, particularly in school settings and everyone seems to be willfully unaware of it. As unfortunate as it can be, the fact is that this group chat is not an isolated incident and that there are much larger issues at play. It is the regrettable result of a botched upbringing and also, undeniably, the lack of proper sex education, gender sensitization and sensitivity among teenagers. For us to be able to uproot these incidents completely, we have to first go down to the grassroots of such incidents and understand what really leads to them.

There are so many factors that play a contributory role to the promotion of rape culture. It is important to note that rape never happens in individuality and it is never the first step. No person is born as a rapist or has inherent propensities for inflicting such a degree of pain and trauma. Rather, such behaviors are imbibed and learnt and there is always a process, unfolding in gradual stages, that lead to the making of a rapist and may also hold the answer to why our boys are still not keen to respect women.

Such tendencies are fundamentally dependent on the immediate environment in which the person grows and the people who constitute this immediate environment, such as your parents, cousins, friends, etc. Besides this, these also rely on the ideas that the child imbibes from these people. For instance: If there is a normalization and, by extension, promotion of rape jokes, sexist attitudes and banter, catcalling, eve teasing and non consensual, unwanted sexual touch, then there is no way that the child would be able to grasp the notions of equality and respect.

To give you a well defined idea about what leads to incidents like these, here are some factors that are instrumental in the endorsement of such terrifying degrees of sexism and misogyny, and which have perhaps remained constant as we moved from the Nirbhaya Gang Rape Case in 2012 to Dr. Priyanka Reddy’s case in 2019 to the present day.

The primary and most fundamental factor, in my opinion, is a lack of proper sex education and gender sensitization. Although India is the second most populous country in the world, constructive discussions and discourse around sex are still a taboo. At an age where the hormones play a pivotal role in molding your experiences, beliefs and behaviors, talking openly about sex is a matter of urgency. It is also common and natural to be curious and have questions about the same, especially when it is hushed up. This should begin with parents and teachers imparting the facts and right knowledge about sex and sexual health. I distinctly remember how our biology teacher simply flipped through the pages of the textbook which spoke about human reproduction and sexual health. Lack of sexual education, compounded by easy access to the internet these days, has led to the development of erroneous ideas and misconceptions about sex. When parents and teachers refuse to answer queries that crop up in all our minds, we are forced to resort to less reliable information that one finds on the internet, driven by a spirit of genuine curiosity. The issue further worsens when we share what we read and see, with our friends, thus having a domino effect. Therefore, the stigma attached to such topics has been a hindrance which results in a volley of topics left undiscussed.

Also, in addition to the biological aspects of sex, they should also be taught about the concepts of consent and sexual desires.

A satirical cartoon bashing the Indian education system for its failure in imparting proper sex education to its students.

Secondly, the contentious “Boys will be boys” argument is often used to condone acts of sexual harassment, catcalling, rape and discrimination. It reinforces the concept of ‘toxic masculinity’ that dictates a particular standard of conduct and behavior that boys must match up to. It refers to the traditional cultural masculine norms that can be harmful to men, women and the society overall. It is a narrow and repressive description of manhood, designating manhood as defined by aggression, violence, sex and status (Clemens). Scholars have, time and again, highlighted that the ideas of masculinity are tied less to the body and more to sociocultural ideologies, expectations and practices. This model of manhood, perpetrated by traditional ideologies, dictates men to be aggressive, unemotional, ruthlessly ambitious, dominating, not easily perturbed and always on the lookout for intercourse. These ideologies have, time and again, proven themselves to be detrimental to everyone as they encourage practices like rape. Rape could be a tool to proclaim male dominance over women and other men.

Thirdly, our family values and the prevalence of sexism and misogyny are a hotbed for such regressive ideas. Take, for instance, the family WhatsApp groups which are riddled with ‘jokes’ that attack and discriminate against women. Gendered stereotypes, stigmas and deep-rooted misogyny insidiously make their way into these group chats, mostly forwarded by ignorant and misogynistic uncles who rigidly believe that women only belong to the kitchen. From wife bashing jokes to cartoons that depict husbands hitting or abusing their wives for cooking tasteless dishes, silencing women when conversations swerve to politics and economy, not considering women’s opinions on and participation in major family decisions or any other issue that is a “men’s matter”. The misogyny in our WhatsApp groups and households is so commonplace that many women have internalized these patriarchal ideas. When young boys see women – their own grandmothers, mothers, sisters, aunts, cousins – being denigrated and trivialized in the household, it has a very strong impact on how they view other women. A boy who has seen his mother serving the meals every night can never wrap his head around seemingly abstract ideas such as ‘distribution of labor and household tasks’.

How can he learn to respect women when he sees those at home being denied a voice, an agency and any authority?”         — SheThePeople

Unless families stop peddling these stigmas by taking accountability, unless the women of the family are given an equal status and guaranteed an equal say in household matters, there will be more bois locker rooms.

An example of the kinds of jokes that are forwarded on Whatsapp.

Last, but not the least, is the influence of the entertainment industry on the mindsets of the audience. Our cinema industry has played a paramount role in influencing young mind by denying the ideas of consent, objectifying women by reducing them to objects meant for the male gaze and the oversexualisation of the female body. We have portrayed women as fragile and governed by the male protagonists, instead of directly and constructively contributing to the plot of the film. The item songs that the audiences groove to, soon after the release, neglect the consequences they have on younger uneducated minds.

Thus, it is essential to bear in mind that every step we take may have a long lasting impression on the perception of others. Everytime we ask a girl to ‘cover up’ or laugh away at scenes depict grave issues like sexual harassment and catcalling – – we are unconsciously propagating a culture that is toxic and horrifying in every sense. We, as a society, have a greater role to play in recognizing, acknowledging and curbing or halting the factors which perform an unnoticed yet significant role in the growth of rape culture in India.

Thus, it is essential to bear in mind that every step we take may have a long lasting impression on the perception of others. Everytime we ask a girl to ‘cover up’ or laugh away at scenes depict grave issues like sexual harassment and catcalling – – we are unconsciously propagating a culture that is toxic and horrifying in every sense. We, as a society, have a greater role to play in recognizing, acknowledging and curbing or halting the factors which perform an unnoticed yet significant role in the growth of rape culture in India.

The rape culture pyramid.

 

 

 

 

 

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

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A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

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A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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