January 2010:
“Summy, let’s get you a ring”, said the man a month after we got married.
“Why? Because social etiquettes dictate so? Well, news flash Sheikhu, nothing about us in conventional”, I resisted.
“No! I really want to.”, he pitched.
“I know you want to, but you know I don’t like jewels.”
“Fine. Let’s go together and find something you like. Maybe you will.” Who knew he was in the right direction in terms of the service, the product, well, that was subject to change?
Soon the conversation led to drive to Banjara Hills, Hyderabad. As we got off the motorcycle to move to a jewel shop, standing adjacent to the latter, was a big Sony showroom.
As if God laid the cards for me. I looked up at the sky and thanked HIM for looking out for me, as always.
Taking Shahzeel’s hand in mine, I detoured towards the electronic shop.
“Kaha?” he asked, thinking I am losing track, not realizing that I had changed the track.
“We are on the same journey. Bas destination badal gayi.”
“What?”
“Sheikhu, what will I do with a rock? It’s just a label. My marriage is not bound to a rock. You will always be the biggest rock in my marriage, and this (looking at our clasped hands) will be our brand.” He looked at me as he tried to grasp the depth of my words.
“And if we have to invest, then why not in us – on creating something for us.” I simplified.
Of the many things, what I love about the man is his faith in me. I led, he followed.
An hour and a half later, we were out of a Sony showroom with a brand-new cherry colored Vaio! My happiness knew no bounds. It’s the same laptop on which my first work – The balloon story – came alive in September 2010 in Beaverton, USA.
I made use of that machinery for good seven years, and I know a diamond could have lasted a lifetime, but then the gift of shine would have not been the same as the gift of words that came my way through that laptop – an essential for me!
The stumbling-block is not about spending money, it’s about realizing the worth of money. It’s about perceiving the long-term benefit and the return that invested money shepherds. And more importantly, its about redirecting the resources to those who really need it!
Now, this is not a sudden realization. This is who I was since birth. As a child, I felt that my father worked extremely hard to earn money, and I learned to respect that. Simplicity and gratitude connected with me very early in life. I started to earn at 22, and may I add, I was blessed to start earning in big numbers, but never did I felt the need to splurge.
I hear certain people say, “I work hard, and I deserve to splurge, every now and then.” But then there are millions out there, who work ten times as hard as you do, but they are not able to figure our basic amenities. So, what does it tells us? – (a) Life isn’t fair (b) You are privileged.
We, most of you who are reading, were PRIVILEGED to be born in a home where our parents were able to fund our education, which in return brought us these silver-gold jobs. I have invested zillion hours to ponder on the fact ki unki kya galti ki wo waha paida hue, aur hum yaha? And the answer is – LIFE ISN’T FAIR!
So now that I know that I can’t find answers before I reach HIS world, all I can do is to ensure, I do something to bridge that gap in life on earth. And it all starts with realization!
January 2013: I barely spent a week working in Deloitte Hyderabad. Shahzeel switched company and he was expected to start with Accenture by the end of that month. As the man had time in hand to join work, he stayed with his family back in Kanpur. I was putting up with our friends, Rahul and Rakhi, in Hyderabad in the absence of Shahzeel. During a late-night conversation with Rahul, when we deep-dived into firsts – job, salary, project, he said in a solemn voice and I repeat, “Pata hai jab pehli salary account mein aayi thi toh vishwaas nahi hua. Socha, was I worth it?”
I remember that look on his face. Wo ehsaas, wo ehsaas bahut zaroori hai!
The fact that you made it, while millions out there struggle, is essential. It should be comprehended and come naturally to you!
I make a conscious effort to not own an elite brand, and may I say, in a way, I am proud of it! I could never get the obsession people have with brands. It’s way more money for a function that could be performed by any other basic, affordable brand. Please, no way I am judging people who own big names or demand some. It’s such a personal choice, but I just couldn’t get the attachment. More importantly, I can’t justify that amount to spend, on just a bag, or a shoe, or a designer label.
The only elite brand I ever owned was Apple! Macbook and iphone were the two products, which I bought in 2011, and used them for years to come.
Again, my issue is not with buying brands but with the spending pattern and budget. Do you need that?
The year 2005. I set out a foot from Kanpur to do my Master’s from Delhi. Most of us have an idea of what hostel life encompasses. Every now and then, to treat myself, I used to walk to McDonald’s, South Extension. Rs. 20 worth of McChicken made me happy all day. And I vividly remember having tears in my eyes with the very first bite, every single time. Maybe it was hunger, maybe it was homesickness, but mostly it was gratitude that made my eyes shed deep-dark tears with the first bite. I always say, “If you wish to eat a pizza and you can afford that pizza at that hour, consider yourself extremely lucky. You’re blessed; you’re privileged.”
Jaise jaise badi hoti gayi, logo ka dukh aur dikhta gaya, mohtaaj haath aur failey dikhe. Aap aakhein nahi mod saktey! Ye sachai andekhi kaise ho sakti hai? It doesn’t need to come to a pandemic to have that realization to feel that people need you. That knock in your heart, that conscious knock before you spend is extremely important.
“Do I need it at this hour?” “Does spending an extra dollar matter?” YES! It does.
This knock is specifically important for the coming generations. Children should realize that they are mere lucky to be born in a family who can afford goods and luxuries for them while many out there struggle for basics. It’s not their right! And for us, the caregivers, it’s very important to not hand them goods at the start. Don’t get Disney at your home, let them figure out a way to Disney. Showcase the stark realities of life, otherwise, tomorrow they will stand with, “How did we know? Aapne seekhaya hi nahi.”
My six-year-old is a God-fearing child who understands the heavenly books and the judgment day. She believes that she is privileged and understands that she is a zariya of God to reach to a larger audience. At four-and-a-half, she started setting out water and pulses for the birds in our backyard.
To quote Mysha, “Ye birds roz aati hai mere ghar. Main nahi help karungi inki toh kaun karega? God wants me to do so.”
The little girl has her priorities sorted.
Like her parents, she has a limited wardrobe and she aims to never over-stuff it. And what’s most endearing is that every time she outgrows a dress, she will keep it aside in a new cabinet for her younger cousin, back in India.
Based on her juvenile understanding, Mysha has never thrown a tantrum in a mart. She knows she can pick an item only, and she will never demand an extra commodity. Like this year, in May, she requested for a travel barbie. But she did wait for her birthday, that stood two months later, to receive one. Not that I couldn’t have ordered one for her in May itself, but I expect her to learn the art of waiting – for time; to practice patience.
The feel of content is indispensable to have valuable content in life. The earlier it dawns to you that less is more, the sooner you grasp sukoon!
Now some might reason ki ‘dil nahi marna chahiye’ and to that I say, it’s not about dil marna, it’s about sabr karna. There’s a difference between them. And even if dil marna pade, toh kya? Lakho bacche pet kaat-tey hai, hum toh bas dil hi maar rahe hai na?
Just because we are privileged, we shouldn’t forget that thousands out there aren’t! I feel extremely guilty spending a dime without a wajib (valid) reason.
Imagine a world where people voluntarily shun from fazool kharach – every celebration has a monetary limit set, every wedding, every party, every spending has a question filter where we question ourselves – Do we need that? Is there a better utilization of this penny/dime/paisa?
Even if I would have not got married in a court, and would have not been married to Shahzeel, I knew that I would have had a simple wedding. The whole charade of massive spending on weddings is despicable. Nothing adds up there kyuki kuch bhi kar lo, kisi ko ghee kam lagega, kisi ko izzat!
And now that I am talking about this issue, let me dip a toe on vyavahar. What good will it ever do to provide vyavahar to the ones who are already blessed with abundance? Why not start spending on the ones who really need it?
Har cheez ka hissab dena hoga, both ways! On the products and deeds where you unnecessarily spent your money, and more importantly, on the needy pockets where you did not instead!
If you believe in the afterlife and if you feel that you have to account for every spending you have ever done, then do you realize the weight of accountability on your shoulders when you would stand on the biggest court there is? I often keep telling Shahzeel, “Acha hua zyada nahi hai, hissab dena shayad aasaan hoga.”
We try to keep a check. Shayad kabhi galat bhi hotey ho, insaan hai, bhagwaan nahi. Par haan, koshish kar rahe hai ki jab uske darbaar mein jaaye toh gadit samjha paaye. Baaki, Allah malik!