Being a woman in the 21st century might be one of the most challenging and confusing times. When I was just ten years old, making it to the medical school was a far-fetched dream for my family. But just fifteen years on, it’s a dream that seems so feasible that we laugh at the idea of not believing that women of our skin colour can achieve such greatness.
It has been a very confusing decade for me as a South Asian woman. Coming from a school of thought where being a doctor was the only pathway to achieve a successful life, to now understanding that my career paths are limitless and in fact, I can do absolutely anything I believe I am capable of. I am allowed to follow my dreams and passions without having to worry about financial stability and whether I can afford to feed my family for the next few months.
What has felt like a quiet revolution for us as South Asian women, has in fact been decades and centuries of women screaming to be heard and respected. Despite the positive turn the west has taken to create a better world for women, there are still many things that I wish we didn’t have to face as South Asian women.
1. Why Do We Need To Validate Our Experiences?
How can someone tell me that the experiences I have faced as a doctor working in the UK are not a good representation? I’ve faced a backlash from other doctors because they may feel I don’t represent the society of doctors well enough because I talk about the ugly truth of being a doctor in the UK.
I am not trying to represent everyone. I am Meenal, I represent myself.
We shouldn’t have to validate how we feel or have to think twice about what our colleagues or family would think if we raised a specific issue. This subtle silencing is one that still seeps through in our societies, even in the west. We must be free to represent our own experiences and there is absolutely no reason why anyone should validate them. If my experiences are not like yours, that’s okay. We are all going through our own unique journey, and rather than criticizing that or feel offended, we must celebrate our differences.
2. Comparison Is Still A Thing
This is a blessing and a curse. My mother once told me that I am living my own special journey and I will create my own special path in creating the best life for myself.
Yet, in the professional world, everyone is racing in the same direction – to make it to the top. But what if I’m not ready to make it to the top yet? What if I don’t even want to go in the same direction?
Comparing myself to other successful women in the world empowers me and brings me a lot of hope that I am capable of achieving absolutely anything I want. But comparing other females in my career also makes me doubt whether I should be climbing the ladder at the same speed as them. Should I follow them because everyone is doing that? Am I allowed to go at my own pace and figure out my own needs and desires in my life first?
Comparison is a tool that can empower us but can also debilitate us. I wish it did less of the latter, but hopefully, with more experience and more personal success, that feeling will dilute over time.
3. I Like To Cook For My Husband, So What?
As I said, this is the most confusing time for women.
Am I allowed to say I like cleaning the dishes? Does that make me a ‘traditional woman’ who is too afraid to step out of the traditions the females in my family have carried through over the generations?
Being an ‘empowered’ woman is difficult because the definition of that is so different for every person. Every woman has her own story and her own journey and we all feel empowered in different forms. I love cooking, I love cleaning, it brings me joy to nurture my home – I shouldn’t have to feel afraid to celebrate that.
We are all women facing the same battle – how do we celebrate our unique personality and dreams when society expects something different from us? I have been scrutinized for saying that I enjoy cleaning up my house because the immediate reaction is, “Well, what does your husband do?” Well as long as he treats me with respect, as long as I feel happy with my life and my career path, why do you care?
This International Women’s Day, I want to celebrate all the women who are not afraid to be themselves. I want to celebrate everyone’s unique journey, every story has it’s own beautiful path and I want us to see more of that.