Twinkle twinkle little star; How I wonder what you are?
Bollywood or Tinsel Town – the world of dreams. The world that brought us so many stories, some that seemed realistic, some that were fairytales. Bollywood is the make-believe world we love. Another vital part of Bollywood is its mesmerising music.
And, then comes the death of a promising actor, Sushant Singh Rajput which opens a pandora’s box! Suicide, murder, mental illness, betrayal, drugs, underworld, and the list seems to be neverending. Suddenly the whole country is hit by so many hard-to-digest facts.
Are they true? Is this the reality of our favourite stars who are, “up above the world so high!”
The gory truths that are presented have shattered me personally; I wonder why. Hadn’t we heard of things like the casting couch, multiple affairs of film actors, drug addiction of famous stars, etc.? But I had taken all these things in my stride, with the view that this is their personal life and I don’t have a right to judge them. But this time it is different.
Sushant Singh Rajput is not just a name, but the face of a victim of Bollywood treachery – someone who has made us think of the mysterious deaths in the past such as Parveen Babi, Divya Bharti, Jiah Khan, etc. Well, these are the big names – may be other smaller stars have been sacrificed by the cruel world of Bollywood.
I would have brushed aside the facts presented on media and social media and gone ahead with my life, but I could not. I did not want to believe that the reality of Bollywood was so gory. But what made me believe in these facts was the silence of all the “stars” in Bollywood!
Oh, how much I loved them, almost all of them! They are so beautiful, so charming! How could they not utter a word? Why were they silent?
It seemed to be true! The golden world of Bollywood came crumbling down. I felt I had been betrayed. These stars whose movies I had watched for years, whose songs I had listened to, were so self-centred, so insensitive. It was tough to digest!
I wondered, why was I affected so severely? Am I over-sensitive? Am I getting too worked up about something that doesn’t affect my life personally? I have been a witness to riots, terrorist attacks, several protests in the country, but I had never felt so badly, then why this time?
The sad truth is that these turn of events affect me tremendously. Simply because Bollywood music is an integral part of my life. I was brought up in a house where I was exposed to the beauty of Hindi songs from a very young age. My parents listened to Radio Ceylon, Vividh Bharti, etc. and, music became a part of my life.
As I grew up, I realised that it was Hindi songs that helped me cheer up when I was feeling low. I am not much of a singer, but I sing for myself, just because I love music. For me, Bollywood songs have always been about lyrics and melody – but not anymore!
When I hum a song or listen to one on the radio or my favourite playlists, it is no longer the lyrics but the faces of Bollywood stars that appear before me. Their reality strikes me. I feel cheated, yet again, and the songs stop on my lips.
I cannot sing. I try to listen to old songs, but then again, I begin to wonder, “Was everything alright in those days?” I am confused.
I change tracks and try listening to English songs – Cliff Richards, Abba, etc. And, again I think if Bollywood is so bad then what about Hollywood, the land of affluence, how would that be? The mystery of Sushant Singh Rajput’s death has left me disillusioned!
I begin to question, is this the truth about all successful people and celebrities in different fields? I find it difficult to believe people for who they are, is it them, or is it just a facade? I will need time to recover; I will need to rework my life. Maybe a life without music or movies.
I wonder if this was the impact on me, how would all those who have held these stars as role models feel? Will their dreams come crashing down too? I guess it is time to face reality for as it is, not for as it was, or as you wish it to be!