In a recent interview with The Insider, actor Emma Watson opened up about being a single 30-year-old. However, instead of calling herself single, she used the word ‘self-partnered’. I’ve studied the history of women, and that was the first time I was made aware of ‘self-partnered’ as a term for single women. It waits to be seen whether or not it will catch on but there is no doubt that it will join the ever-growing list of words used to label single women who have crossed or are of a certain age.
Women who originally called spinsters eventually started being called old maids. In late 17th-century England, there were also words like “thornback” (basically, a sea skate covered with thorny spines) used to describe single women older than 25.
The Rise Of The ‘Singlewoman’
Before the 17th century, women who weren’t married were called maids or “puella”, the Latin word for girl. These words underscored youth and chastity and denoted a period ‘pre-marriage’.
But by the mid 17th century, new-fangled terms, such as “spinster” and “single woman,” emerged.
What brought about this change? The numbers of unwed women or women who simply preferred to not get married started to show an increase.
In 1967, John Hajnal, a demographer identified and wrote a paper on what he termed the “Northwestern European Marriage Trend,” in which people in certain northwestern European countries such as England were marrying late, in their mid to late 30s and even 40s as well as a substantial proportion of the population choosing to not marry at all. It became the norm for married couples in this region to begin a new household, which necessarily required amassing a certain amount of wealth.
Just like today, young men and women toiled and saved money before moving into a new home, a process that subsequently, more often than not, delayed marriage. But if the marriage was delayed too long or if people couldn’t accumulate enough wealth, they ended up not marrying at all.
Now terms were needed to designate/refer to adult single women who might opt to never marry. The term spinster went from being a word describing an occupation that employed many women i.e. a spinner of wool to an official term for an unmarried, independent woman.
Single women made up 33% of the adult female population in early modern England, on an average. My research on the town of Southampton found that in 1696, 35.2% of women over 18 were single, another 19.5% were widowed, and less than half, or 48.3%, were married.
Many of us take it as a given that past societies were more traditional than our own, with marriages between people being the norm. But my research shows that in 17th-century England, in any given year, there were more women who were unmarried than married. It was actually a normal part of the era’s culture and life.
The Pejorative ‘Old Maid’
In the late 1680s, the term old maid became commonly used. The expression highlights the paradox of being old and yet still unmarried and virginal. It wasn’t the only term that was tried out; the era’s available literature also poked fun at “superannuated virgins.” But because “old maid” just happened to trip off the tongue easier and faster, it ended up being the one that stuck.
The undertones of this new word were decidedly critical.
An anonymously written 1712 pamphlet “A Satyr on Old Maids,”, referred to never-married women as “odious,”,” repugnant” and “impure”. Another common trope was that old maids would be punished for not marrying by “leading simians in hell.” A 1795 print depicts 4 ‘old maids’ leading-strings of apes in hell.
At what point did a young, single woman turn into an old maid? There was a definitive line: In the 17th century, apparently, it was a woman who had reached her mid-20s. These negative terms came about as the numbers of single women continued to show an increase and marriage rates dropped. In the 1680s and early 1700s, English authorities became worried enough about the population decline to levy a Marriage Duty Tax, requiring widowers, bachelors and single women of means to pay a fine for not being married.
Still Uneasy About Being Single
Today in the U.S., the median age at marriage for women is 28. For men, it’s around 30.
What we’re experiencing now isn’t a historical first by any means; instead, we’ve essentially returned to a marriage pattern that was common 300 years ago. From the 18th century up until the late 20th century, the average age at which people contracted their first marriage dropped to as low as age 20 for women and age 22 for men. Later to behan to rise.
There’s a reason The Insider was asking Watson about her single status as she had crossed the feared 30-mark. To many, age 30 is a milestone – the moment when, they’re supposed to go from being footloose and fancy-free to settling down; thinking seriously about marriage, raising a family and getting a mortgage.
Even if you’re a world-famous woman, extremely wealthy and independent, you can’t escape this cultural expectation set by society. Its sad that male celebrities never seem to get questioned about being single and in their 30’s.
While no one in their right mind would call Watson an old maid or a spinster today, she nonetheless feels compelled to create a new term for herself: “self-partnered.” In what some are dubbing the “age of self-care,” perhaps this term should come as no surprise. It suggests a focus on yourself, your goals and needs. It overturns the expectation where one needs to focus on another person, whether a partner or a child.
To me, though, what’s ironic is that the term “self-partnered” inadvertently seems to elevate coupledom. Spinster or singleton doesn’t openly refer to an absent partner. But self-partnered evokes a notion of a missing better half. It says something about our gender expectations and cultural norms that despite her stature and power, a woman like Watson feel uncomfortable still to simply being called single.