Hi, this is my first ever stab at writing anything on a digital platform such as YKA. Although I used to pen my frustrations, angers, worries, happiness’, sadness’, and eagerness’ in my personal diary, writing on an online publishing platform is new to me.
I believe I am as normal as the next person. Recently though, my life went through such dramatic moments that I’ve come to believe that I may, in fact, be a weirdo.
My transition from being a normal person to being a weird is one that is full of drama. When I meet people, I perceive them as either being ‘great personalities’ or being really mean. recently, I’ve realised that this may be due to the fact that this may be out of a habit of being judgy. I realised the problem may be within me and not others.
In the past few days, I’ve begun asking myself: why is it do I not accept people the way they are? I’ve been questioning why I don’t accept what others say and it is because I keep judging them and what they do. I asked myself: why can’t I be like these other people who see things but don’t react to them. Why can’t I let go?
After many whys, I came to the conclusion that it is not others who are not normal: it is me who is weird. I see the world with a different mindset, with a soulful mindset. It is me who is (weirdly?) enthusiastic about each and everything going on around me.
Believe me when I say this that I am a stupid person, but one who believes in morals and maintaining hundred percent honesty. I feel I am a total idiot who believes in God almighty like a mad person. Consequently, I should learn that this society is to be accepted as is and one must learn to live happily despite that. I have started accepting this society, but there is a guilt that keeps building inside me which I don’t know what it is or what it is called.
I was not satisfied, neither was I happy that I had become an overthinker.
Yesterday, finally, was the day I broke my rule of ‘being normal’ (whatever this means with regards to the society) and accepted myself for what I am. I believe in speaking what I believe to be the truth even in front of fifty people who might not appreciate this. I might be a late bloomer, I might be the sort of person who makes enemies easier than she does friends, and I might not get enough support or work like many of my other colleagues manage to get, but I am satisfied with this self-acceptance.
Sitting inside my blanket in such a cosy weather, in Kanpur, with a sip of coffee and the hope that even if a single person reads this story and starts believing that being weird is (to borrow 2020 terminology) the ‘new normal’, makes one more satisfied and happy than does being accepted in the ‘fold of normalhood’, I am happy.
Because now, I’ve accepted the fact that I’m weird and that’s totally normal 😀