It’s this feeling, like being lost in a crowd. That is the last emotion one should feel in times like these. Roads are deserted. I’ve not gone out for a couple of weeks. Even the last time, we went out was just for groceries. People passed by each other, softly, in mild dread. Behind our masks, the world fades.
Everyday Feels Just The Same During This Lockdown
Yet, this curious feeling creeps in. Like being lost in a crowd! Each day is just the same. I’m losing track of time. Initially, it was a challenge. There were so many things to do, so many things to perfect. There was a plan, a good one too. We all had a sea of unadulterated, unmarked time. Time is a treasure if spent wisely. I was going to spend it honing my raw skills. They were wasting away, due to lack of practice and time. It was time to water them.
The plan worked beautifully, at first. Gradually, the excitement was lost. The activities became less of a challenge, more of a chore. Losing interest in your daily work is deleterious to your overall mood. A phase has set in where I just laze around the entire day, amusing myself somehow by watching videos, talking, thinking, playing cards! I am continually aware of the fact that I am trying to cheat my mind into being content somehow. Nevertheless, I know it won’t work this way. I know I need to get up and stick to the plan. But, I don’t feel like it.
I Look Forward To The Journey I’ll Take When This Is Over
What is a crowd? It’s a collection of people. A collection itself implies similar things. We are all similar things now, more than ever. Things that get infected by something that is not even alive. Things, that may perish indiscriminately. Things that are vulnerable. We are all things, that are stuck behind walls. Sure, people still manage to build imaginary barriers between them. The fact remains that we are all, but, a crowd. A collection of similar things.
Maybe, this is the natural state of being. We are, after all, animals. Like a flock of geese, a colony of ants, a cowherd, a crowd of humans! Why has this incessant need for individuality been so important? Our constant struggle to find meaning, to leave trails, to establish ourselves has been the most glaring harbingers of our own destruction. Haven’t all our wars been raged for one of the above reasons? We have misplaced our own sense of ‘human’ity over decades of civilization.
I will run away somewhere when all this is over. I know a place. You can see the ocean from there. Wind will carry a crowd of crashing waves all over, and wash away the cobwebs in my mind that I have started growing as I am locked down presently.