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Of WhatsApp, Snores And Faith: What My 8 Year Marriage Taught Me About Love

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This is written by someone who is married to a wonderful person for the last 8 years with two lovely kids. I do not fit into the normal definition of the society and therefore my definition of Love and Valentine is something different. You may or may not relate to the same but I would love to share my experience.

I had an arranged marriage in the year 2013. I had barely met my husband for 45 mins before I said yes. (I feel that was the wisest thing that my husband did, if we had met for a longer duration, I am worried he may have changed his decision).

Marriages and relationships anywhere in the World are a gamble. You may either hit a jackpot and still manage to become bankrupt because you were too careless with your prize or you may win a moderate amount and manage to live off luxurious with the same, due to your wise savings. Nobody can predict the Happily ever after, neither movies nor novels.

If I were to define love this Valentine, I can say that Love is definitely not something that can be defined. It is the invisible glue that binds you to a person. Representational image.

I never read romantic novels per se. My idea of romance and love was mostly the lead characters of Danielle Steel’s Novels, whose characters always had strong and independent women, who managed to stand on their feet irrespective of the circumstances. The pandemic was tough on every single individual in its own way. It was tough even for us. Just slightly better from a lot of other people.

Emotional trauma, mental stress, work stress, handling the meltdown of children and their everlasting energy. At the end of the day, it did drain us. When you are inside a house for so many months, with your own schedule and barely any communication directly with each other, it does take a toll on your relationship. Just because he was working from home did not mean that we spent a lot of time together.

We had our own share of fights, we had our share of misunderstandings, outbursts and meltdowns. I started my own startup in the month of September 2020. Till then I was a headless blogger, but now I am an Entrepreneur and trust me the journey would not have been easy without my husband’s support.

The author and her husband. Image provided by the author.

What Is Love?

In the last 8 years, one thing I have realised is Love is not what happens in Karan Johar Movies. It is much beyond that and unseen. Love for me has been a strong agent that binds your relationship.

A person cannot be in a relationship if you do not have respect, trust and space. Respect is obviously essential for any human being for his survival. But when I say respect, it also means that we appreciate the differences. Our movie choices, our song choices, our food preferences are entirely different. I love to read and write and he barely reads my work. Even today, more than direct communication, our communication is more through WhatsApp. The last movie that we saw together was in the year 2018 I suppose and the last vacation that we had been together was in the year 2015 with our families. The last time we went on a so-called date was during our honeymoon.

Yet, we are two happy individuals, who are very happy in this marriage. If you want to ever understand, what is the depth of love and relationship, do not read those sponsored articles on social media that say that if your spouse doesn’t make plans to spend time with you, he is not into you. Sorry to burst your bubble but those articles are written by brands to sell their products and services. One of the best parts about our relationship is that we both have our freedom and limitations and communication and dialogue is always open.

If I were to define love this Valentine, I can say that Love is definitely not something that can be defined. It is the invisible glue that binds you to a person.

Distance also plays a minimal role in the relationship. Even during the pandemic, when we both were working from home, we both were sitting in two different rooms throughout the day. His work would start early morning and end later in the night. I would be drained with keeping the kids engaged and taking care of my work and therefore the amount of time that we spent together was much lesser than what we would have had spent, when he was going to office. So it was as good as a long-distance relationship because even though you are physically around you do not have a moment to spare with each other. But it is the same faith, respect and love that would help us sail through this pandemic. This April, we will complete our 8th Wedding Anniversary.

Like Every Valentines Day, I would be getting nothing except loud snores at night. Yes, the reality of long-lasting marriages is masked under snores and farts.

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Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

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The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

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Read more about her campaign.

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A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

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As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

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