Insecurities can end up complicating matters for all of us. No matter how old or young people are, insecurities creep into the picture out of nowhere. However, insecurities can be swatted aside by seeking help from friends and family. Chitkala Mulye, a prominent life coach, talks us through insecurities, her idea of happiness and a lot more in this candid chat.
Q: What is Chitkala’s Gateway to Happiness?
Chitkala Mulye (CM): Chitkala’s Gateway To Happiness is my life coaching initiative to help people find happiness amidst imperfections in life and relationships.
When life isn’t perfect, we aren’t perfect. When these imperfections are inevitable, we struggle to find happiness. I am on a mission to help people initiate self-transformation to find happiness by learning to lead the change going beyond these imperfections.
Q: What inspired you to become a life coach?
CM: Helping people has always been my passion. Since my days in college, I have wanted to understand people. This keen interest took the shape of a desire when I was doing my MBA. I always wanted to start something of my own.
So, after working for three years in the market, I made up my mind, quit my job and gave birth to Chitkala’s Gateway to Happiness to pursue this dream of mine.
Q: What motivates you to help people?
CM: As a child, I was a weak and naïve personality who had a very fragile core. That made me a soft target for all the bullies out there. Also, I had to battle an inferiority complex at a young age.
Later in my life, I struggled hard to find happiness and love while I had my share of pain in relationships. I had no one to help me then. So, I decided to help myself.
My journey for self-transformation had begun. I learned that pure gold can’t be used to make jewellery and if I wanted to shine and dazzle, I needed strength, which made inroads into my life only after I had accepted a set of harsh realities that life has in store.
Around the same time, my father passed away. I was 6 months pregnant at the time. This unfortunate incident in my life broadened my perspective and brought to light the imperfections that end up creeping into relationships.
It was around that time I gained strength whilst sailing through troubled waters. I realised that to change my life for the better, I need to lead the change and develop a sense of optimism within me to manoeuvre people.
This is how I discovered the unique formula to drive self-transformation whilst finding happiness amidst imperfections in relationships. When I practised it, everything worked for me and ended up transforming my life. This motivated me to help people through life coaching.
Q: What is your idea of happiness?
CM: Happiness is a state of mind and a result of the right perspective. We should try to maintain this state by gathering all of the joyful moments. If we wish to be happy for the rest of our lives, we should invest our emotions in different things, such as our family.
Moreover, we should always stay in the present while holding this belief that change is the only constant. Accept things easily and trust that every problem in the world has solutions. If we do this, happiness is forever ours.
Q: How to overcome insecurities in life?
CM: We feel insecure because of one single reason, i.e. fear, which pops out of the feeling that “I am not good enough”. Fear drives all the negative emotions and ends up crushing us completely. The key to getting rid of fear is to raise our self-esteem (step by step) and to gain the strength that is needed to handle uncertainties in life.
As we empower ourselves, we feel stronger, more capable and stable. As we change our self-beliefs and embrace unconditional self-love, we develop pretty strong self-esteem and get rid of these insecurities.
Q: How to stop emotions from overpowering you?
CM: Emotions are a result of our thoughts, and our thoughts shape our emotions. Emotions change our behaviours and these behavioural patterns either worsen or get better with the situations we find ourselves in. So, situations end up triggering our thoughts.
So, if we need to manage our emotions, we need to think about a situation or an emotion from different perspectives and focus on the positive ones. Think of transforming weaknesses or unfavourable situations into opportunities and you embrace the art of opportunistic thinking that ends up transforming your fears into happiness.
Sometimes, by overthinking our emotions and distancing ourselves from the problem, we can make our emotions seem blunt. The more we focus on the brighter side, the more our emotions get streamlined.
Q: How do you define emotional wellness?
CM: Just like physical wellness, emotional wellness can be achieved with a healthy diet of positive and opportunistic thinking and attitude. An intense workout of unconditional self-love and good emotional immunity is required to keep negative behaviours and vibes at bay. This can give you a healthy and happy mind that’d be powerful enough to love others unconditionally and achieve everything that you want in life.
Q: Lastly, how to remain optimistic in the COVID-19 era?
CM: Covid-19 has become a great challenge when it comes to sustaining emotional wellness. Staying at home, working from home, increased clashes with family members, reduced frequency of outdoor vacations, all of these things have severely affected lives.
Long-distance relationships, decreased socialisation, increased domestic responsibilities, etc. have taken a toll. However, many are taking this as an opportunity to develop their passions that can be enjoyed indoors while unleashing their creativity through art.
So, it won’t be wrong to say that people are taking it as an opportunity to gel with the loved ones and find happiness even in this pandemic.
Chitkala Mulye is an NLP & REBT certified life and relationship coach.
A former market research analyst with an MBA in HR, Chitkala is an all-rounder of sorts. She is a mechanical engineer, and a poet as well. The 29-year-old found her way to life coaching a few years back. With a diverse professional background, she is authoring a book on a gay man’s life. She was also worked as a screenplay and story writer for the short film ‘ Being Human’, which was screened at Cannes Festival in France.