Marriage is one of the landmark events of one’s life. People have so many expectations from their life partners but what about the requirement of understanding your partner? In my opinion, there are several unpopular honest thoughts Indian women have on a marriage.
Indian weddings are made to be extravagant lavish affairs due to societal and cultural norms and pressures.
The big fat Indian marriage ceremonies symbolize the wealth and prosperity of the family in the society. In the competition to keep heads high, families organize big fat Indian weddings as their ‘last responsibility’ toward their daughters. Sometimes, at the cost of jeopardizing their financial position.
We, Indian women, feel this as a burden that we put on our families. We are economically independent but the high expectations of the society for a lavish Indian wedding are absurd and materialistic. The pressure to fulfill the expectations of the groom’s family and those uncountable relatives is just screwing up memorable moments and stressing us out too. A happy small wedding with near and dear ones will surely make it happier.
We are looking to sharing everything, from bills to moments of joy. Indian women have changed their position in families in the last decades by getting independence economically and an equal says in decisions. But we are still in the transition period of claiming everything we deserve. We are not blaming you, we want your support when we are right. The acceptance of decisive women is still very low. When people say no one can understand women, it means either no one has tried to understand her.
The concept of ‘parayadhan or Kanya daan’ (terms for ‘giving away the bride’) just economically objectifies us in the same way as vulgar songs objectify women in a sexual context. We are joining families not getting delivered as a product from an E-commerce website with ambiguous return policies. We understand our responsibility towards both of our families, but we expect you to understand too.
I am the daughter and daughter-in-law but you are the son and son-in-law too. We are making an identity as everyone else does. For us, you are important (actually very important) but not everything. There are dreams which we are following, and we are supportive of your dreams too because we understand you.
If you think about modern women like she will be an arrogant and nontraditional one, then the answer is NO. (Modern Indian women have so many wrong interpretations!). We respect traditions but we are against prejudices. We don’t want the next girl to go through the prejudices just because no one had questioned it before.
We are creating the path for better women and a good society. Just think about a situation where you have to change your name just in a matter of few days. Maybe you are comfortable or not or maybe just want to join the other name with your old name or just not changing at all. That’s your decision, not a convention to be followed and get judged for it. That is the same with us too when we get married.
When we enter into our new homes, with all the wishes of our families and bundles of notes on how to be a good wife and daughter-in-law. Give us time as we are adjusting and adapting because getting frustrated will not make it work in the initial months. Remember those days when you entered the college in a new city for the first time and you took your time to adjust.
We go through the same kind of phase. When we give an opinion don’t think about it as disrespect, or interference, give it acceptance and regard it as a concern. Every one of us has a difference of opinions with our family members at some point in time, it doesn’t mean we stop respecting them or give up on them.
We are together in this journey to make it a memorable one. We know there are points where you feel the same on issues but remained silent for that invisible pressure, trust me we have been under this pressure for a while now. We understand you and it will be better if you express yourself whenever you feel to.
After reading this article, you may think like she is just talking about women, no one understands men. So, let me inform you, women are concerned about the pressure you feel to be the breadwinner. We know about the ‘mard ko dard nhi hota (men don’t feel pain) ’ fallacy, and we embrace your existence in our lives. To every man out there, we respect you and are always trying to understand you to make this world a better place to reside in.