By Kanak Sahoo
The impact of a child coming out can be far more intense on mothers than anything else. Our society has always considered mothers to be the moral guide for their children.
Mothers also tend to take the blame for anything that happens in their child’s life. And that is why such revelations can really push any mother deep into the abyss. For me, it was absolutely shocking because I had no prior knowledge or awareness about the LGBT+ community. I had never even thought about what it meant to be gay.
I remember I had cried for almost a month when my child came out to me. It was a difficult and lonely journey since I could not cry in front of my child. I never wanted him to feel guilty for making me cry.
All the while, I kept worrying about society, friends, family and my son, Anwesh’s own future.
I was constantly stressed about it. However, when I started reading about the subject, it started getting slightly easier. I began to understand him. Anwesh also helped me in this by making me aware of the various issues and their psychological aspects.
I always knew that he is my child and no one can understand him better than me, his mother. It just took some effort and direction to embark on that journey. In retrospect, I still feel sad that he was all alone in his journey of self-acceptance. Though I am proud he did it and became the fabulous person that he is, the fact that he could not find the courage to come out to me sooner still hurts. I wish I was there for him and could support him more.
For me, nothing has changed after my son came out to me.
Yes, the journey has been long and arduous but I love him and he loves me too. He is my child. I am his mother. That is it. If he is happy, I am happy. That should be the only thing that matters—his happiness
I strongly believe that gender studies should be a part of the school syllabus. Every child should know and study about it. This should really be the ‘new normal’. No judgments, no seclusion and no harassment. This is the only way to end discrimination and make our society a better place.
Excerpt from the book EQUALLY: Stories by Friends of the Queer World. Published by Rupa, the first of its kind anthology put together by Pride Circle is due to be released on 9 April 2021. Find more about the book here.