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Why Dia Mirza’s Pregnancy Is Not A Matter Of Trolling

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Actor Dia Mirza recently revealed that she is expecting her first child with her husband Vaibhav Rekhi.

 

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In an Instagram post, the actor shared a picture of herself cradling a baby bump with a breathtaking sunset in the backdrop. Dia immediately became subject to trolls and mean comments who questioned the actor’s pregnancy within 44 days of marriage. The 38-year-old married private equity professional Vaibhav Rekhi in February. In a private affair attended by close family and friends at her Bandra residence, the marriage was solemnised by a female priest. In another bold choice, the actor refused to have a ‘Kanyadaan’ and ‘Bidaai’ ceremony at her wedding.

Photo: Indian Express

As soon as the former Miss Asia Pacific announced her pregnancy on social media, the troll army socially shamed her for how she could be so heavily pregnant within such a short period of her marriage.

The real question arising out of the incident is why our orthodox and narrow-minded society cannot keep up with people who do not follow the traditional, read outdated way of living. Individuals, especially women in India have been shamed for choosing paths not taken by many.

Dia’s baby bump makes it apparent that she was sexually active with her partner before marriage, something that is completely normal between two consenting adults. But women in India are slut-shamed and often socially boycotted on the grounds of “morality” when found engaging in pre-marital sex.

While the repercussions are incomparably different for men indulging in the same, women bear the greater burden of bringing shame to a society that keeps its prestige and sanctity in a woman’s vagina.

Virginity as a social construct has deeper levels for a woman than for a man. Well-read gynaecologists would rather ask “Are you married?” to imply if you are having sex. This comes from the orthodox presumption that females are not supposed to be having sex before getting married.

A woman who is sexually active before entering wedlock is considered “girlfriend material” and with no values. She’s not deemed fit for the Indian marriage institution. Marriage as an institution has little to do with pregnancy. It is a bond we humans form to express our love and long-term commitment towards our partner. Whereas pregnancy is a very natural phenomenon to enable the continuation of species.

While pregnancy within a marital bond is the only accepted form in our land, bearing someone’s child outside marriage is a common phenomenon in western countries. Several popular celebrities in the West have borne children outside of marriage. Angelina Jolie, Gigi Hadid and Natalie Portman are just a few celebrities to name who gave birth to their children outside wedlock.

Veteran Bollywood actor Neena Gupta also got pregnant with daughter Masaba when she was dating revered West Indies cricketer, Sir Vivian Richards. At a time where the feminist movement did not have strong roots in India, the actor decided to continue with her pregnancy while facing a barrage of questions.

Women in India are scrutinized for every step they take. Everything right from a girl’s career choice, friend circles, relationships, working hours, visitors, clothing are kept a keen eye on by everyone around.

While some men give enough attention to the length of a girl’s skirt, middle-aged and older women are no exception either. A Netflix show ‘Indian Matchmaking’ represents the upper class arranged marriage system in India. What garnered the limelight was the show host, Sima Taparia, who plays a real-life matchmaker and passes constant sexist and misogynist remarks as the show unfolds.

Telling women to compromise to have a healthy relationship and bashing them for their personality, the show achieved great viewership for its representation of upholding toxic patriarchy by the women community itself.

Dia Mirza at the age of 38, is one of the women who chose to embrace motherhood later in her life, something they are advised against. But now when the world comes across more career-oriented women, the shift from the traditional notion (of getting pregnant in one’s 20s) can be seen.

Controlling women’s sexuality is one of the many ways patriarchal power structures caste, gender, class and exerts rule over women. A woman attaining sexual liberty and taking her bodily decisions on her own does great harm to these rigid structures that have been passed on for generations.

It’s high time that our society stops judging a woman for the choices she makes in her personal life. While pre-marital sex is a mark of a man’s desirability, the least we can do for a woman embracing her sexual life is not slut-shame her.

This article was originally published on Outlook India

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform Change.org, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on Change.org has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in Change.org’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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