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This Book Made Me Question Why Genders And Orientations Have To Be Binary

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As Simon from the book Simo vs the Homo Sapiens Agenda, a novel by Becky Albertalli, rightly said, “White shouldn’t be the default any more than straight should be the default. There shouldn’t even be a default. Everyone should have to declare one way or another, and it shouldn’t be this big awkward thing whether you’re straight, gay, bi or whatever.”

I came across this wonderful book about four years ago and I strongly recommend it to everyone from teenagers to adults, especially parents. It’s a light and humorous story about love, family, friendship, high-school life, and coming out as gay. At the same time, it conveys such an important message regarding the LGBTQ+ community – namely that people who identify as part of the LGBTQ+ spectrum are just like everyone else.

The book and its values have resonated with me ever since and as the years progressed, I was exposed to a plethora of new ideas and identities. I was eager to know more about them when I learnt that people close to my heart are a part of the community.

All around me, especially within the older generations, I see a lot of heteronormativity. It’s the idea that binary gender identities and heterosexual orientations (meaning there are only two sexual orientations and genders) are the norms. They like to segregate everything into society-approved compartments with labels. Certainly, there are a lot of labels, like lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender, queer, etc. But for many people, these labels are a way of identifying themselves and discovering their identities; others, on the other hand, choose to avoid labels altogether.

An Indian supporter of the lesbian, gay, bisexual, transgender (LGBT) community takes part in a pride parade in in Chennai on June 24, 2018. (Photo by ARUN SANKAR / AFP) (Photo credit should read ARUN SANKAR/AFP/Getty Images)

Gender and sexuality are fluid. This means that at some point in your life, you could feel completely straight, while at other times, you might feel attracted to the same-sex — and then you might go back to feeling straight. Gender-fluid means that your identity (like male or female) can move from one side of the spectrum to the other.

Some people also identify as genderless or with neither of the ‘approved’ genders imposed on people. It’s okay for our identities to be in flux; not everyone has an identity that remains the same throughout their lives.

If you’re not heteronormative, you’re forced to explain yourself while cisgender and heterosexual people don’t have to. When your identity does not cohere with heteronormativity, you are often asked to explain yourself — why you don’t have a boyfriend/girlfriend and other insensitive, inappropriate questions (which 25-year-old hasn’t been cornered at a family member’s wedding and asked about their own plans for marriage?).

Perhaps sick and tired of nosy aunties prying into their personal lives, a lot of people have started coming out on public platforms including Instagram and Twitter because sometimes, they would prefer not to have an in-person, one-to-one conversation with certain people, fearing rejection and disapproval. It says a lot about the taboo surrounding this topic that sometimes, it’s easier to be yourself amongst strangers than with the people you love.

Most of the times, their disclosures are met with approval and support, But there are also times when they are bullied and pressurised to such an extent that they end up quitting social media. The world would rather have you live a lie than accept the truth about you that is often different from its perceived notions.

I’ve overheard remarks made by a distant relatives, supposedly made in jest, that if his child ever declares himself as queer, he would slap him and kick him out of the house. As if “queerness” could be slapped out of someone! It makes me sad to think that sometimes, your parents or immediate family, who are supposed to be your safe place, don’t accept you for who you are. Can you imagine how lonely and empty you would feel if you were asked to constantly deny your truth?

The LGBTQ+ community is one of the most marginalised and persecuted communities in society. The stigma, the secrecy and the social taboo associated with being a part of this community takes a heavy toll on their physical and mental health.

Although a lot of countries have legalised same-sex marriages and people from the community are being given equal opportunities in academic and professional spaces, there is still a long way to go when it comes to normalising the conversation around the LGBTQ+ community and their acceptance in society.

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An ambassador and trained facilitator under Eco Femme (a social enterprise working towards menstrual health in south India), Sanjina is also an active member of the MHM Collective- India and Menstrual Health Alliance- India. She has conducted Menstrual Health sessions in multiple government schools adopted by Rotary District 3240 as part of their WinS project in rural Bengal. She has also delivered training of trainers on SRHR, gender, sexuality and Menstruation for Tomorrow’s Foundation, Vikramshila Education Resource Society, Nirdhan trust and Micro Finance, Tollygunj Women In Need, Paint It Red in Kolkata.

Now as an MH Fellow with YKA, she’s expanding her impressive scope of work further by launching a campaign to facilitate the process of ensuring better menstrual health and SRH services for women residing in correctional homes in West Bengal. The campaign will entail an independent study to take stalk of the present conditions of MHM in correctional homes across the state and use its findings to build public support and political will to take the necessary action.

Saurabh has been associated with YKA as a user and has consistently been writing on the issue MHM and its intersectionality with other issues in the society. Now as an MHM Fellow with YKA, he’s launched the Right to Period campaign, which aims to ensure proper execution of MHM guidelines in Delhi’s schools.

The long-term aim of the campaign is to develop an open culture where menstruation is not treated as a taboo. The campaign also seeks to hold the schools accountable for their responsibilities as an important component in the implementation of MHM policies by making adequate sanitation infrastructure and knowledge of MHM available in school premises.

Read more about his campaign.

Harshita is a psychologist and works to support people with mental health issues, particularly adolescents who are survivors of violence. Associated with the Azadi Foundation in UP, Harshita became an MHM Fellow with YKA, with the aim of promoting better menstrual health.

Her campaign #MeriMarzi aims to promote menstrual health and wellness, hygiene and facilities for female sex workers in UP. She says, “Knowledge about natural body processes is a very basic human right. And for individuals whose occupation is providing sexual services, it becomes even more important.”

Meri Marzi aims to ensure sensitised, non-discriminatory health workers for the needs of female sex workers in the Suraksha Clinics under the UPSACS (Uttar Pradesh State AIDS Control Society) program by creating more dialogues and garnering public support for the cause of sex workers’ menstrual rights. The campaign will also ensure interventions with sex workers to clear misconceptions around overall hygiene management to ensure that results flow both ways.

Read more about her campaign.

MH Fellow Sabna comes with significant experience working with a range of development issues. A co-founder of Project Sakhi Saheli, which aims to combat period poverty and break menstrual taboos, Sabna has, in the past, worked on the issue of menstruation in urban slums of Delhi with women and adolescent girls. She and her team also released MenstraBook, with menstrastories and organised Menstra Tlk in the Delhi School of Social Work to create more conversations on menstruation.

With YKA MHM Fellow Vineet, Sabna launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society. As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Read more about her campaign. 

A student from Delhi School of Social work, Vineet is a part of Project Sakhi Saheli, an initiative by the students of Delhi school of Social Work to create awareness on Menstrual Health and combat Period Poverty. Along with MHM Action Fellow Sabna, Vineet launched Menstratalk, a campaign that aims to put an end to period poverty and smash menstrual taboos in society.

As a start, the campaign aims to begin conversations on menstrual health with five hundred adolescents and youth in Delhi through offline platforms, and through this community mobilise support to create Period Friendly Institutions out of educational institutes in the city.

Find out more about the campaign here.

A native of Bhagalpur district – Bihar, Shalini Jha believes in equal rights for all genders and wants to work for a gender-equal and just society. In the past she’s had a year-long association as a community leader with Haiyya: Organise for Action’s Health Over Stigma campaign. She’s pursuing a Master’s in Literature with Ambedkar University, Delhi and as an MHM Fellow with YKA, recently launched ‘Project अल्हड़ (Alharh)’.

She says, “Bihar is ranked the lowest in India’s SDG Index 2019 for India. Hygienic and comfortable menstruation is a basic human right and sustainable development cannot be ensured if menstruators are deprived of their basic rights.” Project अल्हड़ (Alharh) aims to create a robust sensitised community in Bhagalpur to collectively spread awareness, break the taboo, debunk myths and initiate fearless conversations around menstruation. The campaign aims to reach at least 6000 adolescent girls from government and private schools in Baghalpur district in 2020.

Read more about the campaign here.

A psychologist and co-founder of a mental health NGO called Customize Cognition, Ritika forayed into the space of menstrual health and hygiene, sexual and reproductive healthcare and rights and gender equality as an MHM Fellow with YKA. She says, “The experience of working on MHM/SRHR and gender equality has been an enriching and eye-opening experience. I have learned what’s beneath the surface of the issue, be it awareness, lack of resources or disregard for trans men, who also menstruate.”

The Transmen-ses campaign aims to tackle the issue of silence and disregard for trans men’s menstruation needs, by mobilising gender sensitive health professionals and gender neutral restrooms in Lucknow.

Read more about the campaign here.

A Computer Science engineer by education, Nitisha started her career in the corporate sector, before realising she wanted to work in the development and social justice space. Since then, she has worked with Teach For India and Care India and is from the founding batch of Indian School of Development Management (ISDM), a one of its kind organisation creating leaders for the development sector through its experiential learning post graduate program.

As a Youth Ki Awaaz Menstrual Health Fellow, Nitisha has started Let’s Talk Period, a campaign to mobilise young people to switch to sustainable period products. She says, “80 lakh women in Delhi use non-biodegradable sanitary products, generate 3000 tonnes of menstrual waste, that takes 500-800 years to decompose; which in turn contributes to the health issues of all menstruators, increased burden of waste management on the city and harmful living environment for all citizens.

Let’s Talk Period aims to change this by

Find out more about her campaign here.

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A former Assistant Secretary with the Ministry of Women and Child Development in West Bengal for three months, Lakshmi Bhavya has been championing the cause of menstrual hygiene in her district. By associating herself with the Lalana Campaign, a holistic menstrual hygiene awareness campaign which is conducted by the Anahat NGO, Lakshmi has been slowly breaking taboos when it comes to periods and menstrual hygiene.

A Gender Rights Activist working with the tribal and marginalized communities in india, Srilekha is a PhD scholar working on understanding body and sexuality among tribal girls, to fill the gaps in research around indigenous women and their stories. Srilekha has worked extensively at the grassroots level with community based organisations, through several advocacy initiatives around Gender, Mental Health, Menstrual Hygiene and Sexual and Reproductive Health Rights (SRHR) for the indigenous in Jharkhand, over the last 6 years.

Srilekha has also contributed to sustainable livelihood projects and legal aid programs for survivors of sex trafficking. She has been conducting research based programs on maternal health, mental health, gender based violence, sex and sexuality. Her interest lies in conducting workshops for young people on life skills, feminism, gender and sexuality, trauma, resilience and interpersonal relationships.

A Guwahati-based college student pursuing her Masters in Tata Institute of Social Sciences, Bidisha started the #BleedwithDignity campaign on the technology platform, demanding that the Government of Assam install
biodegradable sanitary pad vending machines in all government schools across the state. Her petition on has already gathered support from over 90000 people and continues to grow.

Bidisha was selected in’s flagship program ‘She Creates Change’ having run successful online advocacy
campaigns, which were widely recognised. Through the #BleedwithDignity campaign; she organised and celebrated World Menstrual Hygiene Day, 2019 in Guwahati, Assam by hosting a wall mural by collaborating with local organisations. The initiative was widely covered by national and local media, and the mural was later inaugurated by the event’s chief guest Commissioner of Guwahati Municipal Corporation (GMC) Debeswar Malakar, IAS.

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