After struggling with a mental battle for more than ten years, I decided to write it out for once and all. It was in the year 2008 or 2009. I had just passed my pre-university and enrollment in college. Just then, I happened to get a marriage proposal from a person. Since the family was involved, I got confident that I was on the right path and knowing that he was ready to wait until the completion of my masters to marry me, I said yes to the proposal.
Everything was going on at an average pace until one day. His mother called my mother using slanderous abuses. His mother even said words that no human being could speak to another human being with a normal mind. She even called me a prostitute over the phone when she called my mother once.
Later I came to know that there were some neighbourhood people who, out of voyeurism, tried to spread rumours to create chaos in our relationship and his mother also came to know about it later. But, through all the storms, we continued our relationship, and it became a serious one emotionally.
I did a home HCG (pregnancy) test once and it turned out to be positive. To date, I don’t know if it was a false positive, or it was because of thyroid issues or taking some hormonal pills to delay periods, or I was just pregnant. Pregnancy was unlikely as just after hardly one or two weeks of having my periods. I went through the HCG test out of curiosity.
Later, my partner got me some pills, which I took as pregnancy termination pills, and I bled for some time after having them. I still remember him getting a paper (I had no idea it was a proper prescription as memory has gone vague after so many years) with the names of the medicines I had. Whatever it was, I take responsibility, but for sure, I didn’t know much about medical termination of pregnancy or anything related to HCG at that time. With all his parents’ emotional abuses, he also started emotionally abusing me and doubting me with people.
Still, I tried my best to keep the relationship and constituted it for three years, hoping it would end in marriage. We were even on the verge of marriage, but before a few months of marriage, I decided to end the relationship as I was in trauma and couldn’t see a healthy future with that person.
It ended in 2010. And in 2013, I started seeing a person whom I used to know since childhood. We used to meet sometimes, I even went to his house twice with him, and we had sex twice with protection. After that, it mainly continued as a long-distance relationship. It went on like that, but we never verbally committed to each other. However, I was sure that I was emotionally attached and wanted that person for life.
Then in 2016, all of a sudden, I saw a social media post of one of his relatives, where he was the groom, and there was a bride beside him. So I came to know he got married, and I was dumped.
Life went on like that, and I got busy with my studies and career. It was when I was working for an organisation. Once I received a message on social media to help the person with content for his venture. Although initially denied as I was already under a contract for another organisation. He said I could help him unofficially, and I agreed.
Like that, it started. He once shared that he and his wife were living separately as they were not happy with each other. He even wanted a divorce, but she denied it as they had a baby girl, and until she grew up a little, it wouldn’t be convenient for her to be attached to his family. Hence, he started living alone away from home, letting his separated wife live with his parents.
When I asked him about divorce, he said it was time. Like that, at some point, we connected, and at that time, I was getting pressure from my family to get married too. So considering the pressure and the connection I felt with the person, I chose him as my partner and decided to spend my life with him, and we got into a relationship.
We had some intimate moments too. That included sex too. He even said that his separated wife knew about me and she didn’t have any problem with our relationship. I also wondered why she would feel bad if they were not together anyway. However, when I wanted to meet his family, he started delaying the meeting after some time. Once when I was visiting his state, he even said he would take me to meet his family, but he said it wouldn’t be possible that time when I reached the city.
In the meantime, I noticed one more thing. He was financially dependent on me for everything. After a certain time, although he promised he wouldn’t ask for money or I wouldn’t give him money. Yet, he continued saying he didn’t have enough money to fend for himself and his investor would provide him with money in a few days. Those few days never came as long as I was with him. He was not only asking me for money for essentials. He even started indulging in my money without a word to return them someday.
Already one thing was concerning me that he was not officially divorced yet and then this financial dependency. These reasons started making me extremely uncomfortable. And I decided to ask him once and for all how long it would take for the divorce to have a clear decision in my mind. When he said he was not sure if it happened, it would take at least four years for the price to start.
Since I told him that I was serious about him, although I was reluctant after all these, I asked him if I should wait for him until the divorce without being in a relationship with him for those four years. When he said it would be taking advantage of you and asked him to move on, I found relief and cut all ties with him.
I was healing from this relationship. In 2021, during the lockdown, I had a spiritual encounter with one of my neighbours in the building. It was during the two-month consecutive lockdown, and I was utterly alone working from my rented house. We connected, and I had a different conviction that this person had been sent to me by God, and I fell for him. I got into a serious relationship with him, and we got physically intimate too. Once, he said it’s infatuation and once said there might be a little love too.
When I brought the topic of marriage, he said we wouldn’t get married and be older. I would get married first. I still am in love with this person and could never in my wildest dream imagine this person could play me ever in life. But after around five months, he started behaving weird. Although my friends and family came to know about him, he didn’t introduce me to anyone from his side to date. However, he shared stories and pictures of the family.
He even said he considered me his friend and had other girlfriends like me, even in his native town. After this, I even told him not to contact me ever in life, but he would come back each time. I don’t know why he is hanging me around, but what he says and what his body language says are contradictory most of the time. But, seeing that love for me in his eyes each time I go back to him despite the differences.
He once said during the initial days of our relationship that he and I both belong to different states and our age difference is also something he was not sure his family would accept or not as I am seven years older than him. Finally, he said he wouldn’t call me and kept his word for the last few days.
Dear readers, the above lines are about a woman who lived with integrity. Finding a way to accept her destiny amid the chaos that she believes God sent her way to align her with her purpose in life.