Trigger warning: mentions of slut-shaming and rape threats
While I was growing up, I used to hear a lot of my friends use the term “boy talk” to refer to any conversation they did not want me to be a part of, or hide from me. It felt like a “pinky promise” but only for boys.
And, like we all do, I would brush it off because I didn’t care enough to know what went on in these private chats. Time passed, and we all grew up, but the tradition of the “boys locker room talks” still continued.
With time, I realised that maybe, it wasn’t that I wasn’t interested in what the boys were talking about, but more about my fear of finding out the reality of it.
I never really got an honest answer from any of my male friends, but what I did figure out with time was that this “boy talk” session would consist of talking about girls.
People Gossiped About Me And My Love Life
Not only do they talk about how we look and who we are, but they also flaunt their “sexual” experiences with girls, and talk about what they would want to do to us.
In high school, I overheard that some seniors had a group where they would send pictures of girls and judge them. What’s surprising is that it wasn’t just boys who were a part of this group, but girls too.
And, these seniors would go ahead and label the girls as “sluts” or “whores”, or whatever else they felt was apt. I have, in the past (and maybe, even in the present) been a “subject” of these conversations.
People would circulate pictures of me, trying to call me out on the kind of clothes I wear, or the boys I talk to. They wouldn’t stop at that. They would go beyond it and make theories about my life or my “love interests”.
Rape Culture Is Real: From Jokes To Threats
A lot of my friends often call me a “????????”, or tell me that they are scared of talking “??????” in front of me because I might call them out, or question their morals. And, you know what? I’m really glad that they feel that way.
Wouldn’t it be lovely if we all stopped for a second and thought about what we are going to say, before cracking an insensitive, rape joke or slut-shaming someone?
Not because your friend would call you out, but because you know it’s morally wrong to do it.
This brings me to the last bit: these teenage boys, not only called these underage girls terrible things, but also threatened to rape them when their “??????-????” conversations got leaked.
I hope they realise the mental harm they have caused, not only to the girls they insulted, but to millions of girls out there.
You might get away with changing your names or deactivating your handles for a while, but the girls who have been put through this will never get over the trauma.
Call Your (Problematic) Boys Out!
And, I don’t blame them for feeling unsafe, because no one taught us that looking good or dressing up is a curse. In the end, all I would like to say is that: be that friend! Stop them when they say something problematic, be it a man or a woman.
Reprimand them when they crack an insensitive joke; question them when they joke about rape or sexual harassment. Stop them from slut-shaming someone, and stop them from normalising this cheap behaviour.
Call out these “locker room” talks, call out “boy talk” and call out all these boys! If they are old enough to say it, they are old enough to be held accountable for it.
I might not be able to promise a safer world without sickening men, but I can vouch for the support one can get when you plan to call them out. Don’t worry, we are in this together!
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Parts of this piece were originally published here.