Trigger warning: mentions of sexual and domestic violence
When I look around, I get overwhelmed, astonished, surprised, angry, inspired, eager, exultant, hateful… And, there comes a time when I can’t handle any of these emotions. Since I was a child, I have been brainwashed into believing many myths related to periods, clothes, socialising (talking to boys), and much more.
When I grew up, I started questioning whether the adults were teaching me the right things. If you are thinking of cross-questioning the adults in your life, just forget about it!
Because you live in India, you have to follow some etiquettes. You can’t question them even if they are not sure about whatever they are passing on to us. They don’t know if it’s true or false as they don’t know that healthy arguments exist.
When I turned 21, I used to think that the only thing a girl can do is to marry a good person and give birth to two or three children. We are forced to think this way and accept this nonsense. I come from a very small town where all girls HAVE to get married by 24. I crossed 30 and I am single. Do you think it is easy?
No, it is not! We live in a society where marital rape is acceptable, but single women above the age of 25 are not acceptable. My family, relatives and dearest well-wishers started searching for a groom for me when I was 20. I hated this!
“It Took Me 25 Years To Fight Back”
When I crossed 25, I started getting irritated and arguing back. I did so after enduring five years of torture (to get married), and before that, 20 years of being brainwashed about what a girl should and should not do.
Oh my god! We are babies who are born with a to-do list and the weight of limitations since day one of our existence. Everyone cries when girls get born in their families, saying: “Why god, why? Why did you give us a girl child?”
After you reach a certain age, they generate some affection for you. But, they keep correcting you and scolding you whenever they think you have done something wrong. You start developing a fear of doing things the wrong way.
You even start accepting that you are the one who is doing everything wrong, while whatever your family is doing is great. I took 25 years to raise my voice against society for all the stupid things I have been taught. Society has taught you such things too, or maybe, you are still going through the process of being taught.
We celebrate women’s day, daughter’s day, mother’s day and sister’s day (raksha bandhan). We forget somewhere that every daughter is being bullied, every sister is being raped, every mother is facing domestic violence. We take them for granted. Every woman is forced to handle societal pressure.
“You Deserve To Be Happy And Loved”
Have we been designed only to handle the regressive hogwash of society, family and relatives? The answer is no!
We need to learn how to—grow; say “no!”; handle our finances (which are first handled by our fathers, then our husbands, followed by our sons); stand for our self-respect, break out of toxic relationships, and take a stand for our perspective!
The society is surely changing, yet, we there is long journey ahead of us. We need to learn how to run, walking is not enough. All these celebratory days can wait, as our priority should be to assert our freedoms and right to speak.
Just because you are speaking up for your rights, doesn’t mean that you are being disrespectful towards your family or other relationships. You are speaking up because your voice is being unheard, so speak louder! Shriek into the ears of people if you are being wronged.
You deserve to live life on your own terms. You deserve the right to be happy, loved, give love, and above all, your freedom. The taste of freedom is much more delicious than the food you cook at home.
Get whatever you want for yourself, not for your children, family, husband or anyone else. You should be your priority because darling, you have to keep yourself happy! Remember: no one else will do it for you.