“Why don’t you understand this simple thing! You are expected to tidy your room before leaving the house. How difficult is that?” Rohini was deeply frustrated with her son’s careless routine. Despite several harsh reminders. He hadn’t changed.
Lately, Sarah had begun to stay depressed. Her father had great expectations from her. He wanted her to become a lawyer. So curbing her artistic skills, she went on to study law. Although she tried very hard, her heart and soul were always in her paintings. First semester results had blown the roof with her father’s anger.
Mitilesh was an insurance agent. He was expected to meet the target of five lakhs within the deadline of two months if he wanted to enjoy the promised commission percentage.
Expectations!
The third example is more to do with your job, for what you are being paid. It must not be confused with expectations. But the other two episodes are the root cause due which our levels of depression, frustration and happiness keep oscillating like a pendulum.
We need clarity on a few questions to live a better and stress-free life where expectations are concerned. Let’s ponder.
Why Do We Expect?
When you have obliged someone, it is natural to expect a return favour. However, you have to be very generous to do the act of kindness selflessly.
Many times, depending on the relationship you are in, many things are taken for granted. For example, if you are a wife, you are expected to cook, keep the house clean, and do a thousand other chores, even if you are a working woman. But, on the other hand, if you are a son, you are expected to respect your father, even if he is drunken or cruel.
Is There A Limit On How Much To Expect?
This depends on whom you are expecting. If you have the upper hand, then, needless to say, you are in a position to expect more and, of course, vice versa. We tend to expect more from people close to us; friends and family.
I wouldn’t want to go all philosophical and say,
“To be happy, it’s best not to expect at all.”
Because that’s humanly not possible.
It is important to be smart enough and filter. What, when, how much and from whom to expect. Let’s sneak peek into this aspect for a more peaceful life.
When We Expect Out Of Others
It is extremely vital to be aware of reality. Be practical and realistic. Are your expectations achievable? Is the person from whom you are expecting equipped to fulfil your wants? Both physically and mentally, sometimes even emotionally. Are you expecting from others something which you wouldn’t want to do? Are you aware of the flaws and shortcomings of that person?
Please don’t be baffled by my questions. It’s a better way of looking within than me giving you a lecture on how to limit your expectations. When you can answer the above queries to yourself, you will have a stronger judgement of how to restrict your expectations from others. Remember, expectations are subjective and a very, very personal affair.
My crucial suggestion would be to voice out and tell the person upfront what you expect from them. Give and get a clear picture. Set achievable targets so that the success rate is higher than frustration and disappointment.
When Others Expect Out Of Us
Sarah was unhappy because she was not living the life she wanted. She was trying hard to fulfil her father’s expectations. She felt a piece of herself was missing because she let her father determine her choices. Here I won’t ask you any questions.
It’s loud and clear that we must take responsibility for our own decisions and have ownership of how we want to lead our lives. It is nice to oblige others. But not at the cost of your peace and happiness. Be humble, be respectful.
But in the end, don’t forget the choice is yours. You cannot live a happy life if you keep trying to live the way others want you to. So here again, I would say communication is essential. Let the person know why you are doing something in a certain way. Reason out.
Towards the end, I would go a dash philosophical and say that it is far more enduring to set expectations from yourself. They inspire and motivate you to achieve substantial dreams in life. Let me end with a beautiful quote:
“Things are as they are. We suffer because we imagined it differently.”