I couldn’t keep up.
With everything that you thought was life.
Life for me was reading The Bell Jar again and again till I could imagine the sound of chatter Plath’s teeth made during her electroshock therapy
While you jump from one book to another like a Portuguese to put a flag that says “I have been here”.
You see, there is no harm in being too busy capturing moments to live in them.
Something different doesn’t automatically translate into something bad.
Something similar is also not an affidavit of being soulmates, as more often than not, the similarities become a mirror you want to escape from.
But as much as opposites might attract,
You were jumping from surrealism to impressionism
While I was sitting in front of The Almond Blossoms to see every brushstroke and trying desperately to understand why someone who painted something so beautiful was eating paint to accidentally stumble upon happiness.
You were using language with words that have meaning, but not together
And I, like an old woman, was gathering sticks and stones of expressions to make enough fire to warm my soul.
You were telling me how Chernobyl was an example of human corruption and the predisposition of human is of social cannibalism since they don’t realise that they end up devouring their own in greed.
I could only think of whether each person there realised that it would be the last time they share breakfast with their family and kiss their loved ones goodbye before leaving or whether their whole life flashed before their eyes like a glitchy DVD in backwards with no sign of the times they hated the person now they are thinking of moments before their death.
You told me not to think too much into things as I finally understood what “people hearing without listening” might mean.
I cannot help if I love nothing and everything at the same time.
I cannot help that I pour myself into every person that crosses my life so much so that in death, I will be empty enough to float my way to hell.
I cannot help if the only emotional transaction I know of is how to get completely bankrupt.
I cannot help if I find beauty in the most embarrassingly simple things.
I cannot help if the only ambition I can think of is to be happy one day.
I simply couldn’t keep up with you.
You remember how Einstein in the theory of relativity had said time can be slow and fast
Distance can be far or near
Even if the only thing you are doing is standing still?
Maybe I chose to move far as I stand immobile.