I am at a bus stop, waiting for my bus. There are many passing by, and few of them stop. But, either they do not let me come aboard, or the destination is not where I need to be. The latter happens rarely. It is primarily the former.
I don’t mind detours. I need to get off this stop. I need to leave. But the buses are crowded. My timing is painfully inaccurate. The opportunities arise but die as soon as I grasp them. Frankly, this is the only way to describe what I am going through right now.
Did I used to be good at this, finding opportunities, realizing them, or was I? Unfortunately, I cannot answer the question. The destinations had been preordained. I was merely a taker. Getting through engineering was easy, getting a Masters was easy, and plunging into the cycle of government exams was an easy decision to make, but now getting off of this roller coaster is challenging.
The Indian cauldron of government exams has melted away many dreams and shattered many a tender heart, yet every newcomer’s ever-elusive ‘qualifier’ status seems enticing. For me, life has come a full circle. Post my Board exams. I did not need to decide on my field of interest. So, life has brought me to the crossroads yet again. I am a beginner yet again.
This brings me to a crucial question – Where do I want to be? As I pass my time pondering over my situation, I see people going through life like a hamster on the wheel. Then, as is the norm, you get a job.
Suppose it is something you love to do. You work day in, day out. Barring a few, the novelty of a new job soon wears off, and you begin to look for ‘other’ things to do, like travelling or pursuing a hobby. But does it make any difference? Essentially, you are only filling up your spare time.
You stay busy only to stave off the danger of falling off balance, to maintain a healthy state of mind. But soon, all of the work you have created to ‘fill-up the spare time’ starts eating up your mental health, for the world tells you to succeed.
You seek help then and come back to the start. It reminds you that the only thing you expect is to live and stay happy. All the other stuff was just something you created to stay happy. And you get on the loop yet again and run circles.
If you take a bird’s eye view of the entire fanfare, you would wonder, how does it matter what you achieve if it is just to ‘fill-up the spare time? And is it necessary even to do so? Moreover, what does one need to do with all the spare time if not fill it with such worldly affairs? What is the point of this being? Do we make any difference? What IS the destination, if any?
I researched and found that philosophers have been wondering the same for ages, and many theories have cropped up. Mainly, I was struck by the idea of Albert Camus. During World War 2, Camus tried to join the forces, but his application was rejected.
The listlessness of the War-hit world began weighing on him, and he began wondering what was the point of life anyway. He found that life is an absurd occurrence, and one should embrace the absurd condition of human existence.
There are other philosophers with the idea of the purpose of life. For example, Victor Frankl’s autobiographical book ‘Man’s Search for Meaning’ ponders and covers similar topics. He believes that finding meaning in life is what is essential.
Existential philosophers like Simone de Beauvoir call for one to act on free will and find her purpose. While classical theorists like Plato have said that man was born with a purpose, and she needs to find it.
As for me, I have discovered that the place I am right now is, in fact, the best place I could be. Since once life catches on, it is intoxicating. We are charmed by her many distractions and start believing it to be the purpose of life, but that is not true.
We are, in fact, just filling up the time we have got on this earth. All the fun things, all the sad things are mortal moments, and like a fluffed up pillow, it needs to be seen as one, a soft cushion for resting, not something to build a life around.