Just a few days back, I felt guilty for not being able to voice out my opinions as much as I used to because my not-so-great mental health did not allow me to do so. I was constantly questioning myself if I was a Bad Person and a Bad Feminist for not doing that. But then I read the essays Bad Feminist: Part One and Bad Feminist: Part Two by Roxane Gay and came across this line,
“Like most people, I’m full of contradictions, but I also don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman.”
While Bad Feminist: Take One talks about what does being a Feminist means and the weird notions people (primarily men) hold towards Feminist Women, and I could relate to being called rude and angry for voicing my opinions, it was Bad Feminist: Take Two where I literally felt Roxane Gay had put all of my thoughts into words.
So, below is what I felt when I read Bad Feminist: Take Two by Roxane Gay as she talks about the various dilemmas that she faces in her everyday life, which makes her question if she is a Bad Feminist.
The essay begins with Roxane saying,
“I am failing as a woman. I am failing as a feminist.”
As soon as I read these lines, I got a hint that I would be able to relate to every word that was written further, and I was so right.
In her essay, Roxane talks about the dilemma of wanting to be independent in every aspect of her life while wanting to be vulnerable at times. She wonders if she is a Feminist if she has to ask a man about cars and has not much knowledge about masculine things while liking feminine colours and accessories.
She wonders if she is putting her feminism in the backseat while she fakes an orgasm and wants children in future along with a successful career. But at the same time, Roxane also has strong opinions about misogyny, institutional sexism, inequity in pay, violence against women, and other issues. She is ready to fight them all for essential feminism.
Like me, Roxane Gay wants everything. But, at times, requires us to consider our “deeply held opinions about gender equality and feminism” and question if we are good feminists?
So, after going through her essay multiple times and seeing reflections of myself in it, I would like to admit that “Yes. I AM a Bad Feminist.” But that is nothing to be ashamed of. As Roxane said,
“Bad feminism seems like the only way I can both embrace myself as a feminist and be myself, and so I write. I chatter away on Twitter about everything that makes me angry and all the small things that bring me joy.”
Just like Roxane, even I rant my heart out on Twitter, and that’s why the username @/NehaRants, but there are moments when I can not help but feel miserable, just like Roxane feels at times. Like her, I expect certain things that do not align with my feminist thoughts because I am a human being at the end of the day.
I think that every human being is a hypocrite as we preach about greatness while we end up doing certain things that we condemn. To be more specific, I am a woman who grew up in a patriarchal society where women are still allowed to work in the public sphere by doing jobs. But, still, the entire responsibility of the private sphere lies on their shoulders.
While reading Roxane’s essay, I realized that I could be a feminist while wanting to have emotional support and enjoy the various stereotypical feminine aspects of life. There is no perfect way to be a Feminist. One does not need to follow a particular set of instructions or adhere to some strict rules to become a feminist, a Good Feminist.
As long as the feminist ideals are evident in my head and I can take a stand against all the negative things happening in society (even if I am not able to voice or show it that often), I am a feminist.
I might be a Bad Feminist for not fitting in with the feminist ideals in my head all the time and for not being as strong as other women who are leading the movement. However, there is nothing wrong because I am still a Feminist who is willing to improve. I am reading, writing, learning, and unlearning every day as I try to survive and live in a patriarchal society and take care of responsibilities with my head held high.
To quote Roxane again, “Like most people, I’m full of contradictions, but I also don’t want to be treated like shit for being a woman.” The only wrong thing about being full of contradictions would be living in denial and saying that I’m not full of contradictions.
There was one line in the essay which hit hard to me as Roxane honestly admitted,
“I care what people think.”
I had been in denial about the same for a long time as I used to say that I don’t care what people think of me, but I do. I might not care enough what others think of me to the extent that I start altering my behaviour to fit in with them but somewhere deep inside, I do care about how people perceive me.
Lastly, being a woman has its challenges, especially in a world dominated by men. I read somewhere, “Existing outside social norms can be an act of resistance itself.”
So, if being a selfish, rude woman who is not afraid to voice her opinions and take a stand against injustice places me outside the social norms of being a woman, then so be it. Also, if taking care of myself requires me to become a Bad Feminist, then so be it because (and to quote Roxane again),
“I would rather be a bad feminist than no feminist at all.”