According to Wikipedia, “Empathy is the capacity to understand or feel what another person is experiencing from within their frame of reference, that is, the capacity to place oneself in another’s position.“
Ever since I was a kid, I have been a crybaby. I used to cry over the small stuff. Parents not approving my marks, I cried. Not able to make friends, I cried. “Friends” shunning me away, I cried. Not able to fit in, I cried. Ex-boyfriends not validating me, I cried.
Not only that. I cry when my close ones are hurt. I cried when a close friend got rejected by the “love of his life”. I cried when my cousin’s wedding was called off. I cried when my mother was insulted by my aunt. Also, I cry when my sister is hurt. I cry every time I watch an emotional movie like Hachi: A Dog’s Tale. I cry listening to sad songs and Gulzaar Saab’s poems. Basically, I get overwhelmed and cry over anything emotional and that’s okay!
I know it sounds weird and yes, it is!
In my thirties, I get to know from my therapist that I have “crying spells”, one of the symptoms of anxiety and depression. She also referred that it might be my anger issues that I tend to let out through my crying. Or, I might be an empath (an emotional empath)!
After a few rounds of Q&A about how my crying bouts are – my therapist concludes that I am an empath, which means I tend to empathize with others – their pain and happiness are my pain and happiness.
When I checked the listicles on Healthline, “15 Signs You Might Be an Empath“, I said to myself, “This is so me!” And no, I am not certifying myself as an empath based on Healthline‘s listicles. My experiences and expressions make me believe that I tend to empathize with others a lot more which sometimes becomes uncomfortable for me.
I tend to worry about the friend having a hard marriage. I’m always ready to lend my ears to someone who wants to share because we all know how it feels when we bottle up stuff. I’d be glad to help someone with money even when I don’t know where I’ll get that money from. I struggle to say ‘no’ and set boundaries, however, I’m learning how to. I get overwhelmed seeing someone suffering. I contemplate why good people are always hurt. The empath in me is always in search of ways of making others feel better and happier, which is challenging at times.
Slowly and steadily, I’m learning to accept that empathy and vulnerability are my strengths, not weaknesses. There are times when I go through intense bouts of crying that are frequent and uncontrollable. I don’t stop myself from having that outburst – I let out a good cry! I feel blessed when I can help someone with the bare minimum. I feel grateful when my words or a hug make someone feel better. I love it when someone can express themselves to me without the fear of being judged.
As Maya Angelou said, “People will forget what you said, people will forget what you did, but people will never forget how you made them feel.“
As a kid, everyone around me used to tell me, “buck up”, “don’t cry over everything”, “don’t be so sensitive”, “you have to be strong”, “look at others”, “this is life”, “we don’t expect this from you”, etc., etc. Looking back, I’d like to tell that kid, “Don’t listen to those words, it’s okay to cry because you have emotions.”
People might confuse that I am a sad soul which makes me an empath. No, I am not a sad soul. If it were five years back I’d have tagged along but standing in 2023 I can say I’m not a sad soul. I might not have the “perfect” life but I have a life where I am happy. Being an empath makes me more aware of myself and others around me.
To emotionally decompress, I meditate which helps me deal with my emotional outbursts. I take out time for myself to recharge and refuel before lending my ears and energy to someone in need. I have a small group of friends which makes me aware of who I’m sharing my emotions and energy with. I’ve learned to be careful about who I’m opening up myself to. I’ve learned over time that there are certain people that I’m better off distancing myself from. Recognizing that and honoring my boundaries is one of the best ways I can take care of my mental well-being.
Empathy is just another trait of human characteristics and personality, like vulnerability. Being an empath doesn’t make me weak, it makes me who I am. I don’t believe in phrases like “strong people don’t cry” or “it’s weak to be emotional”. On the contrary, the strong ones are the ones who let out their feelings and emotions unapologetically. We tend to feel ashamed to show our emotional side to others, fearing we might be judged. But living a fabulous life with feeling all sorts of emotions makes this human life worth living. Isn’t it?